A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There has been a guy friend that I have liked/flirted with for 3 years off and on. There has always been an underlying sexual tension between us but he has had some girlfriends here and there. But lately we have been talking/flirting again. This weekend I got drunk and stayed over at his house. Heres the thing, I am a 20 year old virgin. He does know this and we have talked about it before. I think he said there is a "thrill" about being the first guy. So anyways, he ended up using his fingers on me and it actually hurt a lot, and I didn't really enjoy it. During the "hookup" I didn't really do anything to him and I think he was a little frustrated. I hardly even kissed him. Its not that I didn't want to I was just overwhelmed with what was happening and his fingers were hurting, I told him and he slowed down. But basically he just kind of stopped and we went to bed. I felt so stupid because we were FINALLY getting somewhere and I messed it up by just kind of sitting there not doing much! Next morning it was like nothing happened and we were friends again. But he has not called or texted, so I am feeling uneasy. Did I ruin everything by not really doing much to him? I feel like I ruined our sexual tension because it ended up not being all that great. I want to try it again but I am afraid to be the first to text him, but if I don't text him i'm scared we won't talk for a long time. So...do I talk to him again or not? And what do I say? Do I bring it up or ignore it and act like friends again?
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male
reader, caterpillarchapstick +, writes (25 February 2010):
lots of things to consider. one important thing to remember is whatever uneasy feelings you have he is certainly having similar feelings, probably wondering if he should talk to you about it and what to say. you both know that it needs to be brought up and after it is, whether or not things progress romantically, the two of you will reach a new closeness. i've had similar things happen in my life where my friend and i get drunk and do things and the next day there is a gread deal of mutual confusion. it has to be brought up but sometimes, depending on what exactly happened and my feelings about it afterward, there may be some time to reflect before actually doing so. when i say reflect, for me, i mean i think "was that good that it happened? was it a mistake? do i have an alcohol problem? did i just ruin a friendship by leading her on or making her feel used? what is the best way to approach her about it now? what can i learn from this?" and the answere is as individual as the person involved. probably he is having mixed feelings about it, as are you, and doesn't really know what to do either.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): Is sex you really want? Are you enough mature to handle it? Imagine you lose your virginity to him, who is just a random guy friend since you are not married or anything. He might sleep with somebody else since you two are just friends. Or you might get pregnant by him, what would you do then? Or you could get STD? Or you might lose your self-respect and your worth?
Think about what you really really want in life? And don't rush with losing your virginity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): What do you really want? You don't seem to want to leave it like this in case he won't text for a long time, so just arrange to meet him and explain him that you need a bit of time to get used to the feeling of something inside you. Also, keep in mind that as he knows for you this stuff is new, he should patient and respect the way you feel. If he isn't I would run a mile. Explain him how you felt and tell him that next time you are willing to do something to him too. But maybe rather than putting his fingers inside you, he could concentrate first on your clit or give you oral, penetration can take a lot of time to get used to and he has to be very very gentle.Good luck
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