A
female
age
30-35,
*esiray
writes:5 weeks ago my boyfriend dumped me because he said he still has feelings for his ex girlfriend that he was with for 3.5 years. They broke up about 1 year ago. He was really honest about it, he cried too and said it will be hard for him letting me go.I was his first girlfriend after he broke up with his girlfriend. ( he would date another girls before but only for few weeks and it wasn't anything official.) During our relationship he would always tell me and his mates and family(that then would go back and tell me) that he's the luckiest one because he has me and that he is so happy with me, and I could tell he really ment it. He would often tell me how much I mean to him and that I'm the only 'thing' that calms him down. We were together for almost 7 months. We never ever argued, and we had really good communication. I treated him very well and was really comforting. He also once told me that he loves but I think that splilled out, and he told me once that he would tell me these 3 'magical words' but he thinks its too early..So anyway, I wouldn't say I was a rebound or just another girl he used for sex ( at least I think so)When he broke up with me I wasn't too upset. Few days ago I bumped into him and it set me back a little but I'm back on track now. I saw him at party where I went with my guy friend and another couple so it looked like a double date(but it wasnt). I could often saw him looking over, he seemed really nervous( it's not like him, he's always confident) And also, he went to the party by himself, and he probably knew I will be there because it was my best friends party.Now I'm starting to think of all the happy memories we've had, and all the cute things he told me and I'm starting to miss him... We haven't talked since and it makes me feel like he doesn't care about me at all, doesn't miss me, and doesn't have any feelings left for me. It makes me feel like I was just a joke to him for the whole 7 months and he lied to me all the time. I know it's best to go NC after a break up, because it's easier to move on but it kind of makes me feel worser right now. Whenever I ask myself if he could be thinking about me I realise that I probably ment and still mean nothing to him and that he only thinks about his ex now.I don't want to get back with him, but I wish he would care about me and I think just like any other girl that got dumped I wish he would want me back and really regret dumping me. I know this is childish but I can't stop feeling this way.Is there any possibility he would miss me even though he still has feelings for his ex? Do you think I meant nothing to him through the whole relationship?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (23 January 2013):
 I'm sure he does miss you and think of you. But it's not appropriate for him to say any of that to you because he split up with you. For him to tell you these things would be unfair to you because it might give you hope of reconciliation. Mixed signals. That might be what he feels, anyway. It's what I would feel. I've missed and thought about men I've broken up with, but to tell them that would confuse things.
I think he moved on from his ex too soon. He thought/ hoped he was over her, but realised it wasn't the case. It really doesn't mean he had no feelings for you. But he knows he can't fall in love with you if he still loves her. He's emotionally unavailable.
He shouldn't have rushed into a relationship with you, it was selfish of him, but he must have had feelings for you to be with you for 7 months.
I'm sure you've realised this now, but steer clear of men with ex issues. If they talk about them too often, going into too much detail, etc, say goodbye. You shouldn't date someone who requires "comforting" because of something his ex did to him. Big red flag.
Good luck. No contact is hard, but it's the best thing for you to do.
A
female
reader, desiray +, writes (23 January 2013):
desiray is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo_Very_ConfusedSorry I didn't make it to clear. They broke up about a year before he got with me, so they are apart for about 18 months now.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (23 January 2013):
You seem to be confused about something here, but I don't blame you, relationships are weird.
You were together for a relatively short period of time. Long enough to have real feelings, but not a very long time in the big picture of your life.
During that time he gave you every indication that he cared about you. You ever n say yourself you believed him. And there's no reason to think otherwise.
Where you seem confused is that you seem to think he needs to continue treating you the same way after you break up. When people break up its because the relationship is over. It doesn't always mean there are no feelings anymore, but there is no point at telling someone you still think about them, etc, unless you want to be with them.
You don't want to be with him, he doesn't want to be with you, that means you both move on, regardless of missing the good times.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 January 2013):
 I am sure he thinks of you and feels bad.
But let's me honest he broke up with her 12 months ago
he was with her 3.5 years.
so let's work backwards if he broke up with her 12 months ago and you guys broke up 5 weeks ago that's 11 months.
and you dated for 7 months so that means 4 months after they broke up you guys started. he probably was not ready...
and if she contacted him... well... all bets are off esp if she broke up with him...
He was just not really ready. he thought he was.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 January 2013):
 I don't think you were just another girl he used for sex. I think his ex probably got nostalgic and contacted him and he realized he wasn't over her. I think he made the stupidest mistake of his life, but some people can't let things go.
I'm sure he misses you probably in the same way he missed his ex, but now the situation is reversed. He is most definitely immature and it *is* best to go NC with him, because he could waffle back and forth between you two when the relationship got stale with his ex again.
You weren't a joke. He simply couldn't commit, hence his whole "three magic words" speech to you. He's going to be the type of guy to think "is this the best there is", so I pity his former ex in the sense that he'll never fully commit to her either.
You should be disgusted that your relationship with him was a time-waster for you, because that's what it was, and completely unfair as well. Don't let your ego play tricks on you, because what you're feeling ultimately is the sting of rejection, which some people simply can't take to the point of obsession.
You may have your hour of vindication someday when you hear that he blew it with his ex again and is alone, but if you don't, think of it this way -- this might have been a blessing in disguise, because your next guy might be 10x better than this one, and he might be much more mature and have less baggage.
I will caution you -- do NOT go back with this guy. He is a flake, and it's possible he'll try the whole "I made a mistake" thing with you, but never forget that he is a flake, and that you could never be secure in his feelings for you. You've got the better end of this breakup, because you're free to love, and he'll always be a flake.
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