A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI have been dating a man for 9 months and have never felt this way about anyone, even my ex-husband. The problem is, when we met, this man was separated from his wife but they were still living together. He admitted recently that he had only been looking for a 'casual' relationship when he met me, but that he had gotten to know me and had developed strong feelings for me and knew it was something special.He has also admitted that he has lots of stuff to 'sort out' including telling family/friends that he and his wife are over, and he has also admitted that his wife thinks the marriage might still be ok (even though they no longer live together, but they still own property together and have not applied for a divorce). He told me a few months ago that he couldn't see me any longer, that he loved me too much and that he couldn't give 100% and that I deserved more. He then resumed contact 1 months ago saying that he thought of me constantly and had been working hard to finalise the previous relationship.I still haven't been introduced to his family or friends because of the above, he doesn;t feel right introducing someone new so soon after the marriage breakdown. I love this man and he says he loves me too. I told him I couldn't see him until he had sorted his stuff out and could invite me to meet his friends, rather than have me somewhere between friend/wife. A grey area in fact. He was very emotional. Now I feel sick and wonder if I made the right decision. I think about him constantly and worry that I will regret this for the rest of my life.
View related questions:
divorce, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): I concur with Shandy and Eyes on this. Yes, you did make the right decision and I commend you for that. The pain and misery of dating 'separated' men is something women need to really consider before becoming involved. If one has to spend her precious time 'waiting for a man', then he's not investing his time into her, is he? Women should want a relationship where both of them can shout it to the world that they love fully love each other. A women should alway wants a mutually open,honest public relationship and never accept anything less. Your painful experience and misery of dating a 'separated' men is something all women need to really consider before becoming involved. Women need tor realize, he's s still married...plain and simple. He's legally bound to another woman. It does not matter if he's through with her-he's still married to her. This is the reality and harsh truth of dating 'separated, unavailable' men.
If he cannot love you back fully and without any reservations-then sweety, he's wasn't truly loving you back in the fulfilling, decent, proper way, you deserved and as far as I'm concerned, you weren't a number #1 priority here. He cannot freely spend his time, thinking about you nor being with you. Everything is a huge secret and no loving, good relationship should be acted out behind closed doors. That is not love. Love is when a man is proud of his woman, he wants her to get to know his family...his friends. My suggestion: Keep using your personal courage here and stay strong. Look out for yourself and tell him you need to get out and date other people. That might either get him motivated to do something and divorce this ex-wife or he won't care. It will be then that you will clearly know where you stood with this man. A tough place to be in, but how many more months and years, do you want to waste? This situation needs tough boundaries and he needs to know, you have a life and you will move on if he can't get his personal problems in order. Just remember there are plenty of awesome men out there, you can date who don't have this excess baggage. You tell him...get your personal life in order before we consider, reconnecting again. Always expect respect from the men you date and insist, you be his 'top lady'....never tolerate anything less. I am sorry for your hurt. Be strong and take care of yourself. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): You have done the right thing, even though it may not feel it. Don't settle for anything less, you don't deserve it. Have a good long period in between his wife and you and you will reap the rewards. If he doesn't come back then it is his loss and that is TOUGH! But don't chase after him, you will feel a bigger and better person for going through all of this.
Take care
xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): You have done the right thing, even though it may not feel it. Don't settle for anything less, you don't deserve it. Have a good long period in between his wife and you and you will reap the rewards. If he doesn't come back then it is his loss and that is TOUGH! But don't chase after him, you will feel a bigger and better person for going through all of this.
Take care
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 February 2007):
 You were entirely correct, you should not see him until all this "sorting out" is done and put to rest. He may decide to go back to his wife who knows? But you need 100% from a partner so don't settle for less or you will regret it. Be strong and keep moving forward he can run and catch up once he's free and single.
...............................
|
