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anonymous
writes: I have met someone on internet and we got on absolutely famously. He had stated he was attached on his profile but acknowledging his honesty I started communication with him. He turned out to be local and was very honest with information. I know his house (address) where he works, his email home and work - his home telephone number, mobile etc. and have photos. We emailed constantly, talked on instant message and phone and he respected my point of getting to know each other before meeting, but he was really keen to meet when I was ready and said that I should set the rules. It turns out his wife has suffered from alzheimers for the past nine odd years and he has 24 hour cover for her but keeps getting problems with carers leaving his employ. He works full time and has just been told (after 36 years in job) that the firm is closing. He is not particularly bothered by this as he will be quite comfortable. His wife is in the last stages of the disease and gets screaming fits that go on for ages. Anyway, last week-end it all got too much for me and I emailed him it wasn't working and although I would always be here to listen etc. I needed more. He was very hurt but agreed with me. Having thought it over (I sent this email before everything came crashing down on him re carers and job) I changed my mind and sent him a mail telling him I would still like to be in contact but have only heard twice from him and the messages are very guarded. I don't know if he is now letting me down gently or what. I really believe I have made the biggest mistake of my life. He was such a gentle giant (or appeared to be as it is difficult not having met face to face) I don't want to make a doormat of myself but it's difficult now knowing what's the best thing to do. I have emailed him again saying I am here to listen.He is 60 yrs. and I am 57. You'd think we would know better at our age but there you go. Any advice would be more than welcome. I am extremely miserable and cant stop crying. Please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, irishcurlysue +, writes (13 June 2005):
We all go through things like this, irregardless of age and it is always difficult. What you must ask yourself is do you really want to be with this man, despite the fact that t5hings are quite complicated in his life, or did you just send that second email because you felt sorry for him and didn't want to add to the problems in his life. I think this man is acting the way he is now because his pride has been hurt. He laid his feelings on the line and then you rejected him. Now he feels hurt and is probably frightened to trust you again, in case you reject him. He has put a wall between you and it will probably take some time before he believes how you feel and what you want from him. Before you go on though you have got to decide if he is really what you want. He is a vulnerable person and has a lot going on in his life. If you really do feel for him, then go for it. Explain exactly how you feel and what you want. If you open up with him in this way then I am sure he will realise that you are genuine. After you have emailed him, then it is up to him to respond. Perhaps it would help to arrange a place to meet so that you both can discuss it properly? This doesn't mean that you are bound to be with him, but it does mean that you seen what he is really like and have an opportunity to talk to him in a natural environment. Although emails are great, there is nothing like the real thing. Things can be misunderstood and misinterpreted in emails. You both will soon know how you really feel when you meet each other and talk in person. good luck!
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