A
female
age
30-35,
*old_as_ice17
writes:Me and this guy had been talking for about 4 months now, almost everyday on the phone. I told him i liked him, something he already knew. He always told me he liked me but since i am scared of love and commitment i never responded. One day i told him that even tho i like him i dont want to because i know it would never work out. He is a big believer in love, and i am not. I guess ever since then he kept that in mind. then one day all of a sudden he stopped calling me or responding to my texts. I confronted him 3 times as to why he was acting that way towards me but he would say nothing is wrong and just cut me off. Last night he finally told me that what i told him just stays in his head. so he figures that he's doing me a favor by staying away from me. He says the less we talk the less he's going to like me and i wont like him. Its true but he really hurt my feelings by just cutting me off out of the blue. I feel he should have at least talked to me about it. all of this happened through txt messages. I feel I lost a best friend. I also feel guilty for ever telling him what i told him. If anything i feel like he just blew it out of context because i wouldn't stop it if a relationship would've came out of our friendship. But he took it as something being wrong with me liking him. I wanna talk to him about it but I have a feeling he wont. Was i wrong for telling him I didn't want to like him in that way? Should i try talking to him again? even though he says i would be giving him false hope if we keep talking?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): Thanks for updating us. It sounds to me like you are thinking into the future, and getting terrified about it. Try and just take things slowly, focus on each day, and each moment you spend with this guy, and don't jump into future possible scenarios. I know this is hard, but if you think of worst case scenarios, that may or may not happen, then it will make you want to give up right now.
I'm sure that with time, things will become clearer for you, and your faith in relationships will grow. x
A
female
reader, cold_as_ice17 +, writes (30 April 2009):
cold_as_ice17 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well i finally really talked to him about the whole issue seriously. He apologized for acting that way toward me and said he didn't know i cared so much about the friendship. Ever since then we resumed our "friendship", it has been really heavy on how strongly we feel about each other.
I truly do have strong feelings for him but feel that it just won't work out because of our age difference. He is about to turn 24 and i'll be turning 18 soon. No this isn't a case of child molestation or anything. I can go on about how mature i am, but of course i still have my immature moments. Also i am still under complete control of my parents, who don't mind age differences since they know i could never built a relationsip with some one my age. He can go out to bars and stays out late, things that I can't do and won't be able to do anytime soon. I feel this may not be a problem now but might be if we were to develop a relationship.
Also i have some emotional issues with getting praises from men. When he praises me like personality wise or looks i get nervous and think of 10 other things that could ruin those traits. I don't have issues with who, i am i just get nervous hearing it from other men. As i had stated in my earlier post i am terrified of relationshps. I know they always end, and i dont necessarily believe in marriage either. He does in all of the above. He even jokes around that i love him and wanna be the mother of his kids, and has also joked around that we could start on having a family. He said that because i told him i have never had a true picture of what a real family is like because my family is broken up (havnt spoken to my father in 9 yrs).
Everything dealing with a relationship makes me nervous. Meeting his friends and family makes me nervous. The fact that he is much older and is probably looking to settle down (though he hasn't said that) makes me scared because i am so young still and i am too realistic to believe in stupid fairy tales.
He also mentioned the other day that his friend asked him that if he liked me so much why hadn't he made me his girlfriend, he told me that he thinks its "because its not what she(i) want YET. " which is true. I dont wanna rush into things but what is holding me back is the fear of being in a relationship.
Sometimes i feel i would have rather kept him as a friend forever than a boyfriend for a year and then hating each other. But its too late to go back now after we exposed our feelings to each other already. I am too confused with everything. :(
But thanks for those who gave advice to me in my earlier post xoxo :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): I think that if you give him some time to work through his feelings he will be willing to contact you and resume the friendship. You can't help him through this; he has to do it on his own or with other (hopefully male) friends. He'll contact you when he's ready.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you by suddenly not responding to you and cutting you off. This must be difficult for him too. He likes you, and it sounds like he would like to be more than friends with you, yet he thinks that you don't want the same. Maybe he is finding it too difficult to just be friends with you, and this is his way of trying to cope.You sound a little confused about what you want from ths guy. Part of me wonders if you would actually like a relationship with him. But your fears about relationships are getting in the way.Could you maybe have a talk with him and tell him your fears? If you both decided that you would like to be more than just friends, then maybe you could just take things really slowly, and see how it goes.Love can be scary, and there are risks involved, and sometimes pain. But it can also be wonderful, with lots of opportunities and happiness. Maybe you could take a chance, and if things don't work out, then they don't, but you would have tried. It would be a shame if you let fear get in the way of what could be a lovely opportunity.Whatever you decide, good luck. x
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