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female
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anonymous
writes: Did I overreact or did my fiance? My fiance have been breaking up a lot lately and arguing. Now it's over for good because a few days ago I asked if he could not use my shampoo, etc. for the shower. He yelled at me saying that I should be paying the bills and get out of his house then if I'm going to be like that and get mad about shampoo. I wasn't trying to start a fight, I was just frustrated because he never buys it. I've been paying for all the food lately, I just haven't been able to help pay the mortgage because I don't make enough money. Well, I didn't like how he yelled at me to get out. He said I had two hours so I packed my stuff. He then asked what I was doing and where I was going. It should have been obvious that I was breaking up with him and going back home. I didn't answer my phone for a few days and he kept calling and texting me saying he missed me and asking where I was. I texted him saying it was over, and he's tried to contact me but I haven't responded. I'm back home now and we are broken up. I feel sad and miss him but I think it's for the best because I feel that he was emotionally abusive. Was that a stupid reason to break up or was I just at my wits end and looking for a way out? Was it okay how he treated me?
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emotionally abusive, fiance, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): I think if I was spoken to the way you were spoken to on the shampoo occasion, I'd do exactly the same as you - assuming I had somewhere else to go to.
You don't tell us what all the other occasions were, or how they came to be, so it's a little difficult to grasp exactly what's gone on before. I suspect that the shampoo incident was the straw that broke the camel's back, and he's been bottling it up for some time.
I get the impression he's a control freak. He must know your financial situation, so it's unreasonable of him to expect you to pay more than your fair share of the bills. Let's say you start having kids and you decide to be a stay-at-home mother. He'd be paying for everything and then some.
What you do next is up to you, but I would suggest if you want this relationship to go forward you're going to have to talk to each other in a civil manner in future.
Jaw jaw, not war war!
Phil
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 You were both in the wrong. Guys like to have soft silky hair too. lol
From the information you gave. If most of the behaviors resemble what you wrote here, you could save it.
To answer your questions. Maybe a bit petty on both sides. No neither one of you I think was respecting the other person, and you guys using the break up method all the time to resolve issues, it never works.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (11 October 2007):
You both were being stupid. You both need to learn better ways to express and solve conflicts. It was not even about the shampoo. Yes he was wrong. He needs to learn how to fight more gently with his gf.
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