A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm just your average 14 year old girl. I've been going out with this guy for a couple of months. He's been fairly decent with me all this while.. but all of a sudden, sometime last week, he started asking me to have sex with him! I wasn't and am not ready for that kind of a thing.. so he kept forcing me.. but I refused. Then, he started touching me in a dirty way. he tried to kiss my neck while putting his hands inside my shirt(the backside though. not the front)I got really freaked and starting crying. He stopped after he saw me cry though.I haven't spoken to him ever since. What am I to do now?Does this mean I got abused? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): Hey, sorry, I think I clicked anonymous without thinking there :\. Anyway, that was me that wrote about it being a misunderstanding. I don't want you to think I excuse what he did, especially since you talked about it beforehand. I just think that as teenagers sometimes it's easy to get carried away, especially if he thought it would be something you'd enjoy. He wasn't forcing you to have sex, or do anything more than feeling you up, which is good, so in his mind he may have thought that you just meant doing *more* than that wasn't okay.
In any case, if it made you upset and you weren't okay with it, then that's the important thing. If you want to give him another chance, go for it, but if you feel really hurt and don't feel comfortable, then he pushed things way too far and that was his own fault. If you want to talk more or anything, or need more advice, just message me and I'll write back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI sort of get what you mean. So, what you're saying isthat he could have misunderstood something somewhere along the line.
Its just that we discussed these thigns before and agreed that both of us weren't ready for it. Apparantly, he didn't actually agree with me. When I say he touched me in a dirty way, I mean, he sorta felt me up. It made me very uncomfortable. Its just way too embarrassing to put up the exact details here, although I know its necessary.
Also, there is a cultural difference out here .. I mean, from where you're speaking and from where I am.
Here in India, its not okay for teenagers to be doing stuff like that. Especially in this part of India where I live. (no offense or anything!)
But then again, he is a really nice person. So I'd like to trust him but I can't bring myself to.
Sorry for not being specific earlier!
Thanks again for your response!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): It was wrong of him to push you into doing things you didn't want to do, and normally I'd be all over someone like that for doing that and have very little sympathy for them. When you say he started touching you in a dirty way, was his hands in your shirt the only thing you mean? Honestly, yes, it was wrong, but guys (especially if he's around your age) don't always know how girls really feel about situations and maybe he thought that doing that (since it's a fair step below sex, or anything more sexual) would be okay with you still since you are going out. It's also possible that he just thought kissing your neck would feel good for you, as it does for other girls sometimes.I'm not excusing his actions entirely, but I am saying that he didn't rape you, and if his hands in your shirt and kissing your neck was as far as it went, in the grand scheme of things those are not generally considered to be necessarily abuse when it's with someone you're dating. And he did stop when you started crying, it's possible he just didn't realize that you felt so strongly about him not kissing you like that or anything. I think you should talk to him about it, but if he doesn't apologize or seems to think what he did is okay, then leave him. If this wasn't honestly a misunderstanding (one that won't happen again, I hope) then you do deserve better. Thinking about it though, it's not right he told his friends you're addicted to sex, or anything about what intimate things you do together, actaully. Anyway, it's your choice. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUmm hello. (I'm the person who wrote this question, btw)
That was an incredibly quick response! Thank you!
I would really like to talk it over with someone. If I told my parents, they'd just try to blame it all on me somehow. I may be at blame, but its really the last thing I need right now. Every time I think about it, I start shivering or wheezing.
I told a friend of mine, but she wouldn't believe it. See, this guy is like the perfect guy. He is supposed to be a naive and childish character. so no one would expect anything like that out of him. the deception is so neat, that even he said it himself, no one would believe it. Also, he told a bunch of his friends that I'm addicted to sex. (which is so wrong )
Anyway, thank you all for your response. It does make me feel better. I'm definitely going to stay away from him. Thanks!
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female
reader, Georgia13  +, writes (25 September 2009):
 u werent sexualy abused but what that guy did was seriusly screwed up!
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female
reader, ffogalilly +, writes (24 September 2009):
You were not sexually abused, but you were almost forced into having sex. I think you should tell someone what has happened to you, so he does not try it on some other girl. It sounds like he could have issues that needs to be addressed before he gets out of control. Just remember, No means NO! Don't be ashamed of yourself, be proud because you stopped him, and you stood up for yourself.
I would stay away from him too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): Sexually abuse.. no, but you were forced into something you did not like, and I think its fair to say you were sexually harassed (which is not at all good either). Look after yourself and be careful from now on who you are alone with, next guy may not stop even when you cry.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 September 2009):
You should be proud of yourself. You stuck up for what you thought was right. He didn't listen and you did the right thing by getting him to get away from you. You should stay clear of him and never speak to him again. If you feel that he really did force you, then you should report him. I'm not sure how the police will repsond, however, so be aware that they may not do anything. Maybe speak with your parents about it and see what they say? You've got nothing at all to be ashamed of. Quite the opposite. Stick up for yourself at all times. But stay away from this guy.
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