A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. We met three weeks prior to me moving two states away, maybe a week and half after my move he showed up saying how much he wanted a relationship. I wasnt ready for one but he was so sweat and swept me away. gradually over the past year the affection has gone to zero, the only time we hug is when I make him. I often feel like he is bothered with me. At this point in I love so much, so I dont want to leave but worried I may have to. I have told him how I feel very lonely and neglegted and how it bothers me that we have no touching at all and that it bothers me that he masterbates 2 a day. No I am not fat or ugly. I am wondering if he might being seeing someone else or regret relationship, or if maybe age difference he is 16 years older never been married longest relationship was 4 months so did I find another horrible man. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): You have told him how you feel, which is a good starting point. Maybe you could try talking to him again, and be more specific about what you would like. You could say something like, "I would really appreciate it if we could hug more", or "It would be really nice if we could spend an evening together". That way, he will have more pointers of how he can try and work with you on rebuilding the relationship.
But if he doesn't make any effort, I think you should tell him that things need to change, because you are unhappy. I think it will then be your decision whether to leave, or to stay in the situation and hope things will improve. But if you have been trying, and he just isn't making an effort, then it doesn't paint a good picture to me.
Don't blame yourself though. You are worried you have found "another horrible man", but how was you to know things would go like this? Relationships are a risky thing, a jump into the unknown. Sometimes they work out, and sometimes they don't. So I don't think you should give yourself a hard time over this.
I really hope things work out well for you. x
A
female
reader, Ayisha  +, writes (30 June 2009):
What strikes me about this as similar to my own experience is that your bf asked to have a relationship and you went along with it even though you yourself weren't ready. You also said he appeared sweet at the start but has changed. My ex was like that, but once he had the convenience of having me there he would push me aside or bring me back as he pleased. This was emotionally abusive for me, and due to my love for him I never questioned it but carried on to the point I would nearly drive myself crazy to get his attention.Don't allow this to happen. I suggest you talk to him about your concerns as lack of communication can break down any relationship. Also ask yourself what you want from the relationship: should you really be asking him to do things all the time? If he truly loves you he would not be acting like he bothered by you.This is all I can say. However, if it gets any worse and is affecting your well-being I suggest leave him. I suppose whether or not he is having an affair is secondary to his treatment of you. You need to establish if he is really genuine or not. I don't think age matters most of the time, but his past is something to be wary of. Remember people don't always change their ways as they go through life!
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A
female
reader, cherry cherry boom boom +, writes (30 June 2009):
Maybe you should talk to him and maybe he is not as developed as you and he probably is gay but hasen't come out of the closet. Well there could be a million resons why he acts like that, the only way you would know if you just asked him. This ya girl, peace.
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