A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My dad owns a welding company and I been working for him since I was 16 years old (I started out as cleaning the bathrooms and stuff like that and I went to trade school to become a welder myself). I love the work and my dad always told me that he was going to sell me the company when he retires (I been saving money for when that day comes). Well, about a month ago, my dad decided to retire and give the company to my brother instead of selling the company to me. It is his business, but I feel like my dad lied to me. My brother and I used to get along great, but I just don't want to work for him. So between that and my feeling that my dad lied to me, I decide to quit. I did give my brother and dad my two weeks notice and I let my co-workers know what is going on. My dad and brother thought I was joking about quitting until two weeks later when all my personal items was gone and I left all my company's items (my work keys, my work cell phone, est.) on my brother's desk.I ended up getting another welding job for another company. At this new company that I work for, I am getting better pay, better benefits (health insurance, dental insurance, a retirement plan, paid vacation, est.). So since there is 0% chance of me buying my dad's business from him in the future, it is better for me, my wife and my children to take the job and never go back to my dad's company (now my brother's business). Now my dad and brother are angry. They are claiming that I betrayed the family by leaving the family's business and going to work for a company their competition. Did I do anything wrong for leaving my dad's company? Is there anything I can do to help repair my relationship with my dad and brother?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2021): No, you didn't do anything wrong. You made a wise career-move, and exercised your independence. Naturally, your father and brother would resent the fact that you made a bold move in your own self-interest; while at the same time, you expressed your grievance over the fact your dad purposely led you on by dangling a carrot. As it seems, only to keep you tied to the family-business. It's hard to call it a "family business;" when he didn't incorporate you and your brother as co-owners, CEO's, VPs, or principals within the business. Of course, it is your dad's right to do as he pleases with his own company. Yet the mitigated gall, that he would "sell" what is usually left as a legacy to loyal sons or daughters. Who have proven themselves an intricate and essential contribution to the business's success.
You've invested your time and loyal service; and have gained unrecognized equity in the business, if nothing else. They won't compensate you, but destiny has fulfilled what they have failed to give. You were underpaid, but destiny changed that as well.
The money you saved will be better used for your own family, or to start your own business. Seems like divine intervention to me. God knows best. He blesses the underdog.
You've paid your dues. You were a loyal and dependable employee. The fact you didn't remain a sucker after you got played, might be hard for your father and brother to digest; but you had to prove yourself. If they resent you for doing what's best for you and your family; it isn't you who needs to get their head and heart in the right place. It's those two!!! You owe no apologies. They have to gang-up on you to flip the script, in order to save face; but this isn't how it will all end. It's just for now. They're embarrassed in-front of the other employees.
In time, they will have to check themselves. You've proven to them both, you're nobody's flunky or sucker. They can't hold it against you for "growing-up," and coming to your senses. If I were in your shoes, I think I would have done exactly the same thing. You did it with finesse, you were respectful of your father; and the outcome was exactly as you deserved. If anything, they feel bad that they played you for so long.
When the tide turns in favor of the played, the player is often miffed that he didn't get-over. The gig's up!
Congratulations on your success! If they love you, they'll get-over themselves.
Continue killing them with kindness; and if they still reject you, love them from a distance. The way God reverses things, they'll be coming to you for help someday. Their pride and guilt is the roadblock at the moment. Wait it out.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 September 2021):
 Have you told your dad WHY you quit?
And why would your brother be GIVEN the company and not you?
I think you did the right thing here. Even though it was a verbal agreement made a long time ago, your DAD knows he made it with you. He probably also made the same agreement with your brother. And for whatever reason, he CHOSE to give it to your brother over you. Your dad DID lie to you.
The money you have saved to buy the company I would keep saving, it can help your family long term.
If you think your dad would be open to talking (not with your brother around) then TELL him the reason you quit and the reason you took a job at the "competition".
If he is still mad, well that is on him. He did you wrong. You know it, he knows it.
Give them some time to cool down then talk.
Also, this might be a turning point for you. To see how your family actually feels about you. You were just supposed to accept your brother is your new boss, keep your head down and not make waves, right?
You have to put your family (wife and kids) first.
You did NOT betray your family.
You COULD have talked to your dad before quitting and gotten an answer as to why you were not being given either half of the company or the chance to buy him out.
You didn't. So here you are.
Let them be mad. It's a mess THEY made (maybe your dad more than your brother but regardless, YOU didn't start the drama, your dad did. You just ended it by walking away.
Good for you.
Your family (dad) didn't think about you, did he? Yet you are supposed to think of them FIRST? Be loyal to THEM?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2021): That seems very unfair that your dad gave your brother a company but nothing to you. In my view, parents should treat their children equally. Why do you think your dad gifted the company to your brother and not to you? Did he explain? I dont see why the company couldnt have been gifted to you both, or an equal (£) gift be given to you in compensation. I guess all you can do now is decide what is more valuable to you. Your share in the company, or time with your parents and brother. I think you have done the right thing in quitting and finding another job, given the circumstances.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2021): I don't think you have done any wrong. Your father has done wrong. What your father should have done is he should have left the company to both of you then your brother could have bought your half of the company or sold his half to you. Their anger although not justified but it is quite common in such situations where they try to guilt trip you. Don't give in and let them go to hell. You have done nothing wrong.
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