| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I mentioned to my ex about reconciling..he said he can't just jump back into things which is fine..and also that we'll talk on the phone and then meet...its been almost 2 months of talking which is fine but i'm getting nervous about what if he loses interest b/c there is only so much to talk abouthe also mentioned being at his apartment and how he watched one minute of tv and fell asleep sat. night and i said well there was probably nothing good on..and he said probably not it was 4am(which shows he did go out that night)..i responded regular/maybe a little sad by just saying oh really? or oh ok..i dont remember exactly..he mentioned getting up around 11 or 12....i dont want to sound jealous but its hard to be completely indifferent to him going out or excited about it b/c we havent met up yet and i'm worried he can meet some great girl or just simply get bored talking on the phone...i didn't ask him where did u go or anything but i did ask did you enjoy your weekend? (after him mentioning 4am)..and he simply said did i enjoy it? it just sort of flew by, nothing speciali hope i didnt sound jealous but i was trying to be as normal as i could about it...we still spoke for about 15-20 minutes longer so if i sounded bad about he probably would have got of the phone sooner right? i also didnt mention things any further..i only said about 10 minutes later "the weekend went by too fast" to kind of show im not trying to ask him questions but just casually talk about the weekend i guessis it wrong the way i responded? i dont think i said anything too bad but now i am second guessing myself..it would have been obviously jealous if i asked where did u go, who did u go with or why 4am-u were out or something? I didnt sound happy about the 4am--just kind of regular/sad (hard to explain i guess)
View related questions:
jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 You are obviously very upset over this as I think you posed a similar question yesterday. No I don't think you came over as jealous. The thing here is you are coming over as a bit desperate and needy because it has been two months and you are still sitting there waiting for him to ring and waiting for him to get round to saying 'yes, we will meet'. I have found that men don't really like or respect you if you are too available. If they think you are hanging on just for them then although flattered by it they are just not that interested, it is just too easy for them. Men enjoy the chase. You are making this chap the centre of your world and life is passing you by whilst you are doing this. I think you need to be more upbeat when you speak to him. Definitely don't always be there when he rings, and tell him you have been having a good time with your friends. Men particularly like confident, independent women. I should know - my husband left me for one!
You are dwelling too much on how you came across. Ok he has been out till 4am. You don't like it and desperately want to know what he has been up to. Sometimes in life you are not going to find these things out and you have to accept uncertainty. In future let the comment pass or say something jokey but male ego complimentary along the lines of 'wow I wish I could function so well without that much sleep, or gosh I don't think I would make it into work the next day if I got in at that time, you do have a lot of stamina'. Really anything that passes it by as if it is of no importance to you personally.
This kind of thing is extremely hard and not seing someone face to face makes it very difficult to read the signals. I think although you want to get back with him, 2 months is a fair time and while you are waiting for him to come back to you that you should start to see if there is anyone else out there that takes your fancy. I know you don't want to do this but I can see this dragging on for a long time and it suits your ex to string you along like this, in effect massaging his ego so I think you should widen your horizons. Even if you don't go out with anyone there is no harm in looking.
Anyway my advice is to keep the calls short and really light , make sure it looks like you are busy and happy when you speak and it will get him wondering what is going on so he will want to see you. Good Luck.
|
