A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a bit of a state. 2 weeks ago, I found on my boyfriends internet history that he'd watched gay porn. I went further back in the history by a couple of months and there was straight porn and also another one link to gay porn. I freaked out completely and asked him about it, saying it's ok and told him to just be honest. He said he isn't gay, he was very patient with me until I calmed down and he laughed it off saying it was probably spam or something and he had no idea what I was on about. The next day he hadn't bothered to delete the history, myself and his sister use that laptop all of the time and I've been ignoring it as much as I can putting it down to something weird with the internet. I guessed that if he was watching something he shouldn't have been, then he would have deleted it.This was 2 weeks ago. I've been ignoring it as much as I can and forcing it to the back of my mind.However, my boyfriends best friend is bi sexual (but mostly gay) and used to have a crush on my boyfriend. The best friend is now back from holiday and when my boyfriend picked me up the other night, his gay friend was in the car. I nearly vomitted at the thought of the 2 of them being together all day without me and alone.Tonight, I called my boyfriend and he was in a place not far from where i work, and I had just got in from work. He didn't offer to meet me or collect me. His gay friend was then in the background, they were at a diy store.He said he'd call me once he was done buying some paint. he didn't call me back, so like a crazy person, I called him again and he was still with his gay friend now painting some thing for his work. Again, he didnt call me back later. By this point I was like a nervous wreck, I'm still shaking now. He's still with him and in the background his gay friend was calling me possessive.I've now sent a series of texts demanding he tell me the truth and give me a proper explanation about the gay porn.I don't believe it was spam. It looks as though he had gone onto the website, clicked "gay" and then clicked on a specific video of gay men and then there was no other actions or links clicked for 10 mins. Basically watching the gay porn!He's now text me saying I'm being stupid and I should just go to bed and that this is the first night without me in ages where he can do his own thing. But we've only spent every night together recently since his friend was on holiday.We're now due to go on holiday this week together and I can't do it! I can't spend a week with somebody who I think is gay / bi-sexual and lying to me! It'll be a week of hell.I've been a nervous miserable wreck these last 2 weeks.Am I looking too much into this?Could it be spam? Or cookies?Could his sister have watched it maybe??I can't miss the holiday and I dont want to go alone. We leave in a day, I cant even change the details.I'm devastated. He's so amazing in every other way and this is breaking my heart. I don't think anything is currently going on with his best friend but how long am I supposed to wait around for something to happen? I;m getting to an age now where I've done my crazy fun youth and I'm thinking seriously about my life and what I want. I dont want it right away but in 6 years time I dont want to be left for a man.We've made plans for our futures, we're saving for a deposit to buy our own home, we've planned holidays in advance, our sex life is fantastic and he watches regular straight porn on most of the history.I can't go on like this... am I looking too much into this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): Sorry but I would feel the same as you. I have a feeling he could have bisexual tendencies but maybe hasn't acted on his preference at all. It's a difficult one as you can't control his sexual fantasies. I don't know what the best way to deal with this is. If he's so defensive and won't talk things through calmly how can you move forwards anyway. Try standing back from this and let the dust settle. Give him a chance to talk. Tell him you are not judging him you just need the truth here.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): Multiple people use that computer. You said so yourself. Maybe someone else watched it.
Maybe your boyfriend watched it. It doesn't make him gay. It doesn't even make him bi-sexual. He could've run into it on accident. He could've just been curious about what the video was. Maybe he was hoping it was two lesbians.
The fact is, he's upset with you for being so possessive. He should be even more upset that you're going through his internet history.
You need to take a step back from the situation and realize you're jumping to conclusions.
Your boyfriend is allowed to hang out with his friend, even if his friend is gay. You wouldn't want your boyfriend dictating who it was OK to hang out with, right? And your boyfriend is still with YOU, but a man, right?
Calm down, take a deep breath and enjoy your holiday with your boyfriend.
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