A
female
age
41-50,
*istressed Wife
writes:My husband always insisted on threesomes with another male. I never liked it but since it was his passion, I thought a couple would be more appropriate. The idea was not to have swinging or swapping and I made it very clear to my husband and he communicated it to the other couple too. The idea was just drinking and doing it with own partner in front of each other. I was quite excited by it. Yesterday was the big day and the other couple turned out to be fun and easy going. Both couples were on bed and we started to do it with our own partners. I was noticing that the other guy was not even looking at me and he was totally involved in his own wife but my guy was staring at them and trying to copy. When she sat on top of him he asked me to do the same. I didn’t want to create a scene so I complied. Now, my husband started to force me to swap. I told him a hundred times that I cant see him with another girl and even she wouldn’t be ready but he got angry and threatened to leave. He blamed me for spoiling his mood and by the time the other couple had also started to notice our whispers. Just to calm down my husband, I asked the girl if she wanted to be swapped and without even asking her husband, to my dismay, she said yes. She was totally high and brazen.I went to her husband and she went to mine but I couldn’t feel anything since my senses were fixed on what my man was doing to her. The other guy was polite and sweet but I kept on looking at how the girl was hugging and my normally, very careful husband was french kissing her and sucking her boobs. I couldn’t stand it any longer; I pulled my husband’s hand and brought him to senses. He was obviously not happy. We managed to put situation under control with our guests but since then I am feeling so so depressed and the whole scene is dancing in front of my eyes. I cried the whole night and have missed work today. He apologized casually and said that you are prettier and sexier than her. I asked him what if tomorrow something deforms my body? Would he go and look for prettier girls then? Is this what love is all about? He says it’s my fault that I found this couple in the first place. I just did it to have sex in front of each other not with each other’s spouse. That was also just to fulfill his fantasy, not mine. My husband was clear about it and he had agreed. Why did he then break his promise? I am so angry and hurt. What should I do? Do you think he got horny for that woman and swapping was an excuse to have her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2008): How can you play with fire and not get burned??? In your mind, it's seem innocent IF he reassures you 'it's all fun and games, BUT the truth is, it will always be in his mind the "Intimate" closeness he's had with other women. Don't you want that to be only you???
A
female
reader, Distressed Wife +, writes (28 August 2008):
Distressed Wife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks friend. You have really comforted me. I had a detailed talk with my husband yesterday. He is saying that lets not have any such games again lest we end up in a misunderstanding once more. I know that this is a temporary phase and after a few months he would again want such games. The reason why I want to stay in touch with this couple is that may be my husbnad will eliminate me and be a part of games with that couple...since three people enjoyed and I was the only one who was possessive about my spouse.He repeatedly assured me that all he wants is to have fun with me only. If he had wanted to do things alone, he wouldn't have involved me in the first place and cheated. I told him that I want to meet them again for party and drinks and even voyeur activities but not swapping. He said it will be difficult since we have done it once and they will want it again. I told him to clarfy to them that we didnt enjoy this part but rest is fine. I have emailed the other couple that we had good time except the swapping thing. I think they 'll be okay with it. Am I doing the right thing by not closing the doors for ever? After a few months he will talk of his fantasies so why not to keep a balance now. I just want to have a healthy marriage with my spouse and he also loves me I know.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 This sort of thing is always risky and sounds like you found out why.
Sounds like he got aroused in the moment watching her and his 'little brain' took over, so he decided to back out of the rules you had previously laid out. If all of you were in agreement with those rules to begin with, why would you even ask the woman if she wanted to swap? If you weren't comfortable with it, you should have told your husband plainly "No" and let him whine about you ruining his mood, who cares? He sounds like a bit of a baby to me, spoiled and can't stand not to have his way.
But like I said... this sort of thing is very risky... if you want your husband to have sex with you and only you, then perhaps you shouldn't involve other women in your sex life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): Ah, Distressed, sorrysorrySorry for your situation! Your husband was SOOOO wrong in so many ways. Yes indeed, he was being completely selfish - and this is the LAST thing he really wanted to do, lest he provoke a round of 'vengeance f---ing' from you, and his world as a confident husband/lover comes to an abrupt end. You can get partners SO much easier than he can, it's not funny - and you could have decided to point that out to him until he begged for mercy. He's lucky to have avoided that fate so far.
The rules for any kind of extra-partner activity:
(1) No means NO. One partner says no, the other says, with a smile, 'OK, we're done with this. And, by the way, what happened?...'. No attempts at arguing the one partner out of the No, agreement and *then*, discussion.
Needless to say, your inconsiderate husband stomped this one into the ground.
(2) Go at the pace of the slowest (least comfortable) person. Needless to say, your husband etc.
He broke his promises because he's the LAST one you'd want to be swinging with - he's inconsiderate of your feelings in the face of his lust for fantasies.
Hes, he got horny for the other woman, and I suspect he was counting your times with MFMs (in spite of the fact that you didn't really enjoy them), and thought that Well, she's had so many extra men, she can't POSSIBLY deny me this ONE woman. Yes you could, and yes he Was obligated to respect his promises. And on top of everything else, he blames YOU for finding the couple in the first place. PLEASE - you found a couple to enjoy being voyeurs, not to do any kind of action with the other couple. You are blameless, your husband broke BOTH of the fundamental swinging rules REQUIRED to prevent exactly this kind of sad situation. He deserves what he gets.
What should you do? Well for starters, he's forfeited AALL possible future playing, MFM / FMF / swinging / WHATEVER, until you forgive him and are willing to try again, or until Hell freezes over - whichever comes first. ANY discussion by him not preceded by a series of apologies and explanations to you of JUST HOW MUCH HE SCREWED UP should be considered as very serious offences since he can't be trusted to keep his agreements or play within your boundaries. Who knows, maybe he thinks having affairs is OK, too. He's certainly selfish enough. Lay down the law, and KEEP IT. You've every right unless he's decided he'd like to suddenly be single again.
Stupid, STUPID man: if he'd played his cards right and done the couples playtime the way you both agreed, both of you would have had a good time, and the rules/boundaries may well have relaxed as time and experience went by. But, by being selfish and short-sighted in his lust, he's lost that chance for a long, long, long time. Trust is a hard thing to come by, and he's lost yours for certain. Christ, how many wives would have been willing to do as much as you've done already?!?!? I can't really believe he's this dumb, to have a wife willing to play and abuse her SO much :-(.
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