| A
female
,
*atalie1
writes: I started dating a guy (37) 4 months ago. He took the relationship to the next level first. He said he loved me first. I still kept my feelings from him until he insisted on knowing if i loved him.We spent alot of time together either at his house or mine. He said that he felt comfortable and content being in my company. And it was the first time in his life that he felt he could be himself, with a woman. Then when things are going really well he all of sudden dumps me. In the morning he phoned me to tell me he would be spending the weekend with me. And by the evening he tells me its over.My question is why did this guy lead me on for so long. Even though i had given him plenty of chances to walk away. And why did his attitude change so suddenly. Should i try to fight for him. Or just cut my loses and move on?
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Congrats!!! I knew something was up when you first wrote and I am glad you figured it out instead of just walking away.
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, natalie1 +, writes (5 June 2006):
natalie1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there! Not sure if anyone is interested but the latest update on my problem is that we are getting married. My bf contacted me and made major apologies. He said that as he had been a bacholor for so long he just ran scared for a minute. And when he tried just to be my friend it drove him totally nuts. As there was no way he could just feel that for me.So the moral of the story is never "just" walk away when there is hope. And as per the male readers advice never fight. Or at least maintain your dignity and walk away if you must. If they are the right one they will come back with cap in hand begging for forgiveness.So for the first time in my life i took a chance on love it bit back, with a vengeance. But at the end of the day it has all worked out for the best. At the tender age of 35 i have found my soul mate. I want to thank all of you. As i took little pieces of all of your advice and found the answer that worked for me.
...............................
A
female
reader, natalie1 +, writes (31 May 2006):
natalie1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks alot guys for all your advice. I chose to let him know that I was willing to be his friend and i was actually doing quiet well without him. I was invited around for supper to his place and although things were really awkward in the beginning we kind of settled down to the same old routine. Although without the sex and cuddles. My choice and he was quite nice about that, which was suprising. He told me that he is at a crossroads in his life and he needs to sort himself out. He never wanted to hurt me. But when he has problems in his life he tends to push people away. And he told me that he is having major probs at work and financially. And he feels its best that he sorts things out himeself. And he should be ok in a year then he will want to settle down with the right woman. Whatever that may mean. He also said that any woman that would want to marry him at this stage has to be crazy, and if she isnt she soon would be. When i left without telling him i would come around to visit. He contacted me as soon as i arrived home and said that he just wanted to make sure i arrived safely and he was looking forward to my next visit. Thats if i wanted to visit again.Now my problem is should i continue trying to be friends and just understand that he is going through a tough time at the moment. And see where that takes us. Or should i just move on and hope to find some that i can feel the same way about?
...............................
A
female
reader, anastasia +, writes (30 May 2006):
It sounds as though he did lead you on all though he probably didnt mean too. Ive had nearly the exact same thing happen to me, it's disheartening and very confusing behaviour, it also doesn't do much for the self esteem! He probably got scared, it is probably not your fault. It is his issue, he is either afraid of getting hurt or too immature to deal with an adult intimate relationship. And even if it was something you did or said he is not adult enough to discuss his concerns and if he's listened to something someones said about you again he's too immature or scared to discuss it and its best not to be with some one that cant trust you or give you the benefit of doubt. I would put it down to a learning experience and move on.
If he does decided hes made a mistake and wants to get back together, take it slow, lay some ground rules.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): Personally i would say the guy is not leading you on and is backtracking! He obviously still likes you however things have got to serious to quickly for him, although it was all bought on by him. I would suggest that you have a talk with him and find out what his feelings are and find out what you both want. If hes 37 he has probably been hurt before and affraid of getting hurt again and more than likely have commitment issues. You need to work together and over come these issues and take things one step at a time. Hope things work out for you. x
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): This should be your response. "Gee I really liked you a lot, but if you just don't think we're compatible, I understand. I'll really miss you. I hope we can be friends." Don't dare ever fight for anyone. It decreases your value. Even if you win the fight you lose. The kind willingness to walk away increases your value. We put more value on something that's easy to lose.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127 +, writes (29 May 2006):
The situation needs clarity. I agree it is baffling and something is not sitting right. If you are still talking to him you might want to take the time and try to get out of him what happened between the hours of the weekend plans and the break-up.
It just sounds like something happened. It could be almost anything from gained info on you to an old love came back.
When you get the information, then you will know if you can fight for him or just cut your losses.
...............................
|
