A
female
 
age
30-35,
*anicp14
writes:Me and my boyfriend just broke up.We had a rocky relationship which involved cheating for the first 8 months or so. After all of this, we sat down and came clean about everything we had done to be unfaithful, and decided to start fresh. Unfortunately, this did not go over so well for me, who already has trust issues. We kept fighting about the past, and while our relationship did indeed get better and more serious, it also got worse and more painful. I would say it had been more painful for me, and more frustrating for him, as I wasn't trusting him any more as time passed, despite his consistent attempts to earn my trust. Through this breakup I learned that you cannot command yourself to trust, and we should have taken a break in the first place. Anyways, that's not what this is about.A couple weeks before we broke up he seemed to lose interest in sex. He writes poetry, and he wrote a lot of being depressed, scared, unsure, etc. He also wrote me poems about how much he loves me. Aside from our relationship, this guy has lots of his own problems, I'm pretty sure he's bipolar although he's never been diagnosed.A couple days before we "officially" broke up, I broke up with him but came back the next day and we went to a party together. He met a girl there, and we broke up the next day cuz I found out he was interested in her. He swore to me he wasn't, told me he still loved me, and for a while we continued having sex whenever we did see each other, which was always very emotional for me and we still fought. Eventually he cut off ties with me, and only two days after we stopped talking entirely, he told that girl he met at the party how much he liked her. I had not known that while we was telling me he still loves me, he was talking to her and seeing her every now and then and even wrote a long poem about how much he likes her. In the poem he did refer to giving a piece of himself to me, though, although he didn't use my name (but trust me it was about me).I've been doing some research on rebound relationships, and this seems to fit the bill. He knew our relationship was ending, he had been telling me for a while that it was hurting us too much to stay together, and even told me after we broke up that he doesn't wanna get back together and take the risk of it not working again, because he feels his life would be at risk. Although I think a lot of the things he said after we broke up were lies, maybe his feelings for me weren't, and just his feelings for this new girl. Anyways, he has fallen very fast for this girl. Within a couple weeks and seeing her once or twice, he already wants a relationship and is pretty much head over heels.I want to know if anyone else thinks this is a rebound, in which case I will now leave him alone and let him come back to me. I have done a LOT for him during our relationship, he knows this even if on the surface is does not appreciate it right now. I know for a fact he DID love me, although I wonder if he started not to love me anymore the last while of our relationship. But, he has done this before, fallen hard for a girl he just met after a serious relationship ended and he "gave up" on it. Perhaps he "gave up" on us even before the break up. He said he completely gave up when I broke up with him. He did ask me not to go, but he didn't come after me when I did.The reason I ask this is because a part of me is so ridiculously hurt by this, I thought what we had was so real, even if it wasn't very healthy or strong. But I thought the feelings were strong. But the other part of me is thinking he is just as hurt but taking the opportunity that was presented to him to forget about his pain and frustration regarding our relationship.
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female
reader, Mikados are lush! +, writes (27 April 2009):
 From what you've written it doesn't sound like you two are compatible. It wasn't healthy and it wasn't working. Sometimes its better to walk away knowing you love someone but also knowing it wont work. Instead of being in a game of ping pong. If you cant trust him, you haven't really got anything but a turbulant ride ahead.
Sounds like he knew this. The new girl is probably a rebound. Some people just cant be single. And thats recipe for disaster. Is that why he was with you? Who knows, I dont expect he even knows. But you can bet your life until he learns to be able to cope with life on his own instead of flitting from one woman to another, no relationship is going to last for him.
You're probably better off starting afresh in my opinion.
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A
male
reader, ALONSO80  +, writes (27 April 2009):
cheating never solves anything. few things in a relationship are black or white. You should start afresh, but definitely not with him. Take some time off to gather yourself and move on.
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