A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is a 9 month journey of now would be horrid turmoil. I met a man online through a date site. He had divorced on his profile, mine separated. He mentioned his children, I mine. He mentioned non drinking, non smoking, no drugs. I as well.We emailed for a month, sense of humours meshed as did core family values, spiritual belief system. Seemed a very good match.We met and chemistry was high. We spent as much time from his days off (three of four) before he headed back to work.He was what seemed honest about his rocky marriage with his Ex and how they seemed to get along for sake of his sons.Then it came out, he still called his Ex his Wife, he wanted to run away to Austrailia (and away from his sons) to which I asked him if he was ready to date and he got upset and rebuked me for intruding on his sharing time. I backed off.The first time I spent time with his sons, his EX called his home all the evening, fighting with him and then asking him to take the boys for a few days because she had to chase down her move in 'Boarder/BF' for rent and repair the relationship.Her sons and my daughter and I heard her fighting with my BF. Her son then wanted to go home and she demanded my BF to return the sons.I told him if this is what our dating life will be like, her drama and her short sighted and poor choices spilling into our time- our relationship will take a hit and its drama I don't want or tolerate.In first two months, I discovered he smoked Marijuana, he smoked, he drank, and he was not divorced but working with her to be divorced- he still isn't and tolerated him lying about everything and anything and when confronted he blamed me for not trusting in him. I broke up with him.He apologized and said he was struggling with past addictions and was trying to change and wanted to.He punched a hole in a wall, he threw things, and he put up with her screaming and using their sons against him to get him to do her way, all the while taking its toll on us. DRAMA.Recently she made the poor decision to email him pornography to taunt him and tease him ( they were not a very loving, sexual close couple) when she found out we broke up.She taunted me and sent me emails telling me to stay away from her boys because she didn't want them to become emotionally attached to me and my daughters. I knew it to be a means to control and limit him from moving on and finding happiness.She even blatantly came out and told him he better start chosing her or he will have an angry Ex that will make his life hell. She already was doing that.I asked him for months to DO SOMETHING. Put up boundaries. He finally saw she was abusive, manipulative, a liar, and was using her sons against him. she was only agreeable when he did what she wanted. Recently I got upset and asked his permission to email her work for her harassing him and me in emails from her work and about the porn he did not ask for or invite. He was still giving her silence and only spoke about sons ( so he says). He told me to do so.I did.Now he is mad at me and blaming me for taking food out of his sons mouths, yet he said I could or he would because he was sick and tired of her bullying.He lied to me and puts this all on me. The odd thing is I don't feel guilt or remorse because I see it as me sticking up for me, us and putting a bully in her place.I am sad and hurt and angry that he is saying of all of this, I am the Evil one.Needless to say, I think he has demonstrated to me enough that he will never move on, and never be able to offer any woman love, devotion, honour, and honesty.What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Yes so she told her boys to tell him that they don't like me because when I broke up with him it hurt them to see him hurt and I'm no good for him. They have twin boys. She also told him he better choose their boys over Church and told him the boys resent him for going to Church on Sundays.
So anything that means anything to him, that should matter, that brings him happiness and fulfillment, has been told to their boys is a threat to them and so they believe it.
They don't see their Mother is abusive, controlling, and uses them to attack and hurt their Dad and keep in control.
He told me he hates her for doing this to him, and yet, he still choose to end things with me because his 13 year old boys told him to.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Get the hell out of that relationship. That's what I would tell a friend who was dating a guy and had this story to tell. You've invested enough time and it's not fair to your children to expose them to his drama. Run.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): RUN FROM HIM.
He's a liar and a manipulator and he will always be untruthful.
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