A
female
age
36-40,
*ivelaughlove23
writes:Brief History: I.. 1) Recently graduated from college with a Bachelor's degree 2) Have my own car 3) Have a decent paying job 4)No kid. My boyfriend 1) Does not have a degree, but DOES have a High school diploma 2) Does NOT have a car 3) Has an OK paying job 4) Has a 5 yr old daughter.The Problem: My boyfriend is anxious to move out of his Mom's apartment and makes me feel bad for "living at home." I'm 23, wouldn't mind having my own place or sharing it with my bf, no big deal EXCEPT he does not have a car. How would he get to work, everyday? I do not want him driving MY car to work everyday, which is 15 minutes away, when I already have to travel a lot for my job. I work days, he works nights..but still (wear and tear)! He calls me selfish. Being the intelligent girl that I am lol, I predicted that the car situation would be THE REASON why he and I would fight if we lived together. The landlord said places are available as early as Tomorrow! Was I wrong from telling landlord, despite the fact that my bf is really really anxious to move out, to change our applicaton date to March 2011? I figured this would give my bf more time to get a car and get his paper up! Come March, if he still does not have a car...I'm staying at home. His credit is horrible and not good enough to be the main applicant. My credit is good and the landlord coresponds with me, not him. I told him the landlord said middl of March apartments would be available, instead of TOMORROW! Was I wrong? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, livelaughlove23 +, writes (12 December 2010):
livelaughlove23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, thank you! You all have been a great help! I love this website and all of you!
A
female
reader, livelaughlove23 +, writes (12 December 2010):
livelaughlove23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe refuses to take anytype of public transportation. He feels that he's "too good" for any transportastion other than SOMEONE'S (not his own car) car. We do have public transportation around here, but we don't live in the city. It's moreso the country. Thank you all for your input; I appreciate it :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): You are responsible with money. You have a car. You don't have poor credit history. You have a good education. And you have secured a good job. Well done.Whereas he is trying to make you feel guilty about being responsible in your life. I have no doubt you are kind and have met his daughter, but it is a lot to expect you to take on all this when this should be a carefree time for you.There are College graduate men who have not yet married, are single, have no children yet, who do manage their finances well, do have a good credit history, do have a car and do have a good job and who would probably love to ask you out on a date.No doubt if you do move in with your Bf you will be the unpaid baby sitter on the long lonely nights when he is working nights.You are totally correct to put off the date to 2011. But my bigger concern is that your finances will be drained by your Bf.There is a very ancient proverb that predicts the success of relationships. Today people may not agree with it in full, but it worked as a standard for hundreds of years in China. The proverb is: ''the eyes (windows)of the buildings (you and the guy) should face each other across the street (windows on same level looking across the street)''.This means that both partners should have similar family values, similar financial resources (be worth about same net worth), similar outlooks on life, similar temperamennts, similar social level, similar expectations, similar education/intellectual levels. Certainly today such ideas are forgotten. But if one partner has a much better education, more responsible job, more income than the partner then immediately you have an unequal situation and potential for resentment. Where one is expected to pay an unequal share of shared outgoings. Plus if you go guarantor for any loan or credit he takes out, YOU are the one who will suffer financially if he defaults.Don't let guilt or a sense of responsibility make you miss out on a wonderful time of your life. A new job, your own good income, a chance to save for good things for you in the future and opportunities to socialise and network outside work hours. Time for travel to see new things and meet interesting people.Be honest with yourself: is this man going to limit your options and opportunities in the future? .
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): You have heard of PUBLIC TRANSPORT? Buses, Trains, Taxis and such.
Many workers prefer to commute this way as fuel is so expensive these days.
Flynn 24
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): i think your decision was a good one. he needs to get a car, and if you dont give him a ride to work, he'd probley loose his job and leave you with paying the bills too. does he have a ride to work now that may take him still in the future?
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (12 December 2010):
 I'm going to agree with PinkTopaz. If he finds out you're lying, then however much easier it is NOW, it will mean hell to pay later. I would have told him that YOU'RE not ready to move in yet. If he's too upset that you're not making everything work for him despite HIS bad credit, HIS lack of car, HIS poor job, HIS lack of education, while fitting everything to HIS schedule, then I shudder to think how it will work living with him. He needs to know that his behavior is having consequences, or he'll expect you and his mother to carry him forever.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 December 2010):
The only thing that I think you did wrong was not telling your boyfriend the truth. If you're not honest with him as to why you're not ready to live with him then he's not going to have anything to work toward. It sounds like he already lacks a sense of direction as far as where he wants to go/wants to do. He wants something, but he wants it now. I'm guessing that's how he's in the situation he's in now as far as no car, bad credit, and not that great of a job. I think you should be honest with him that YOU want to wait until March because you're not going to mommy him and give him whatever he wants. He'll probably be mad at first, but he'll get over it. And good for you for sticking to your guns and seeing the big picture!
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