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female
age
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*eeling like a fool
writes:Today was the worst day of my life. My husband thought he had cleared the history on our computer, but this time he wasn't thorough enough. When I clicked on what websites he was visiting, they included teenage girls, boys, she-males (this was the greatest sites visited) and extremely hard core porn. He hasn't touched me in weeks, always making excuses on how tired he is. Now I know it was a bunch of BS. He's been jerking off to gay porn in the middle of the night and I'm heartbroken. He says its not what it seems. That he loves me and desires me, however, he hasn't been interested sex with me. He's been caught red-handed but he won't level with me that he is gay. He still professed his undying love, and it's tearing me apart. We are seeing a therapist, but come on what is the truth. It seems I unlikely to hear it from him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Look, don't jump to conclusions...there are a lot of pop up ads, that we all don't want to "Pop Up"....doens't mean he's gay..
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 October 2010):
 I'm not sure what you mean by "his kind" of porn addiction. He fits the signs of what most addicts fit, meaning he's choosing porn over sex, and going to more and more extreme/weird porn (the shemales, looking at gay porn even though he's not gay) because he's become desensitized to "normal" porn. And yes, once he realizes there is a problem, there is most definitely a way to recover. I'm glad you're taking the time you need to heal. If you don't want to have to deal with what will probably be a long road to recovery with relapses and such, it's understandable. But I remember hearing from a therapist that 80% of couples who came to him with porn addiction problems wound up being able to work through it.
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female
reader, Feeling like a fool +, writes (10 October 2010):
Feeling like a fool is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe advice you've given here has helped ease my broken heart more than you'll ever know. When I found out, I asked him to leave our home and seek professional help. I am also going to do this with finding my own therapist. Until then, I want to live apart, to heal without all the BS I've been hearing from him lately.I need time to heal, and so far the time apart has been good for me. I'm not sure there is a cure for his kind of porn addiction, have any of you heard of this being successful? Once Again, thank you for your thoughts and your time to write them to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 October 2010):
This doesn't mean he's gay. It means he has an addiction to porn. He's not choosing porn over you because he's gay, it's because he's developed a serious compulsion with porn that interferes with his life. This is not a reflection on you in any way, but he really needs to get help. This isn't something he'll be able to just break the habit of overnight or if he tries hard enough. Try to get him to seek counseling about this. If he refuses to go to a counselor or refuses to admit there's a problem when he chooses porn over a living breathing real person, then you may need to find someone who is more grounded in reality.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): If he looks at guys as well then he might be bi. But the shemale part doesn't mean he is gay. Whether they want to admit it or not MOST straight guys have either watched shemales before or atleast thought they looked hot. The no sex part isn't good. I think he is a little bit bi and more interested in the other stuff
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): Your husband might well be a closet sausage jockey for all I know BUT the she-male porn is not a clincher and not even strongly indicative. She male porn appeals primarily to straight men who are looking for something a bit stronger and more unusual. Gay / Straight has more to do with being attracted to masculinity or femininity and many she-males are extremely feminine. Anyone who has got a little drunk in Phucket or even on the wrong corner in Lang Kwai Fong knows that the ladyboys are the ones who are more beautiful and more feminine than the real women.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 October 2010):
 He may or may not be gay, but actions absolutely speak louder than words. What is a fact is that male erotica turns in on. If you know any of his screen names that he may use on internet board sites or other places, you may want to research whether he's on gay sites or not. That would be more compelling evidence.
What is also a fact is that he's sated on porn, and it's hurting your relationship and sex life. Think of it as you're a filet mignon or steak (or the best eggplant parmigiana in existance, if you're a vegetarian), and he's sneaking off to eat 3-day old hot dogs. Sure the food is vastly inferior, but it still fills him up so that he's not hungry when it comes to you. Porn is addicting, and he's caught in it.
I wouldn't even get hung up on whether or not he's gay. The issue of greater importance is that you deserve a guy who is in love with you and isn't wrecking his libido on worthless junk food gutter porn. That is the epitome of selfishness - to gratify your own sexual appetite because you don't have to think of someone else. He may be bored and is looking for more and more to stimulate himself, like the heroin junkie who needs more and more to get the same high. He may be going for the gay porn because of its ellicit nature.
Do some research into his online and real life (including cell phone) habits to see if he's taking the gay aspect beyond simple porn erotica.
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