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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: i have had low self esteem my whole life... recently i lost 40lbs (through sports and good eating habits) and feel like people act differently to me ("nicer" basically).before, i used to feel invisible... usually, nobody would ever pay attention to me... i felt like i had no personality and therefore without looks nor charm, never really a lot of friends. if ever i would attend a party, i would be spending most of that time in a corner alone. Yesterday i went to a social gathering: the first one which i am near to my goal weight. i usually avoid parties (because i end up awkward and bored), but now i want to widen my social circle so decided to go. i actually had a great time. However, it feels bitter-sweet as i feel like people treated me so differently compared to my old self. For once, guys were interested to getting to know me (and not because all the "hot" girls were taken or they had nobody else to talk to) and some even tried to flirt with me. The flirting part felt so weird because i'm just not used to it. it actually scares me (but i don't show it). It was nice getting attention, but it felt so out of place and so unusual. i'm sure that if i was still overweight not as many people would have really bothered to talk to me. I dont think much of my personality has changed... im still quite shy with sometimes difficulties in making conversation with people i dont know. here, they actually were making efforts to get to know me. Maybe i also feel more positive about myself and that probably shows so it's maybe not just about being "better looking" but also looking more confident/approachable (i think i smile more). Sometimes i feel frustrated that people treat me better. i feel like some of these people wouldn't even had given me the time of the day where as now i'm apparently good enough for them to do so... I feel repulsed at how superficial and judgmental people can be. How is it possible to deal with this transition and the feeling that people seem nicer? sometimes i feel like i am not used to my new body yet. Is this all in my head or is there actually an invisible double standard?
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female
reader, meganmarie  +, writes (11 December 2012):
First off, some people are mean. Just plain cruel sometimes. Being bigger doesn't mean that your unattractive! But to be attractive you have to own what you have! :) don't be ashamed of curves! Be proud of who you are! Your just as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside! Love yourself, have faith in yourself, and confidence will come with that in time! Realize you are worth more than rubies and gold, God made everyone unique for a purpose. If someone only sees you for what you look like, then obviously they don't deserve you girlie. :) own what you are and realize your worth!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2012):
 First of all congrats in getting healthier!
You still see yourself as the "big" and "awkward" girl you think you used to be. You lost weight, but you didn't lose being shy, that takes work. That is why all this feels weird.
It IS sad, but also a fact that "skinnier" people are treated differently. Sometimes though it's NOT because they weigh less, but because THEY are more social, more friendly, more outgoing. (trust me, skinny people have JUST as many body issues as bigger girls - they usually just hide them better).
MAYBE the fact that you are AT these parties now, they are actually SEEING you - before you tried your best to blend in with the wall paper, maybe not on purpose - but that gives off the "don't talk to me vibe".
Like you said you smile more now. People want to be around people who are positive and who give off positive vibes. With your new found self you ARE giving off more positive vibes.
Try not to judge other - I bet you didn't like getting judge before either. And don't expect yourself to become Miss Social Butterfly overnight, but set some goals. Like talk to 5 new people when at a party.
Let people get to know YOU. YOU are still YOU, with or without the 40 lbs. However, you are starting to get used to feeling better about yourself and THAT is a good thing.
And if you don't know how to flirt, just smile. Flirting takes practice :)
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