A
female
age
41-50,
*tacy Bradley
writes:My husband wanted to talk to me the other night about us. The other night he told me he loves me but is not in love with me anymore but I am his best friend the thing is i felt the same way but i do love him and want our marriage to work. Since our discussion i have been trying hard on our marriage then he tells me i am smothering him i dont feel like i can win for losing. last night he pretty much acted like he wanted to leave so i told him i was tired of wondering if he was going to stay or leave so if he really wanted to leave then go although i did not want him to. he came back inside about 30 minutes later and acted like nothing happened i looked at him very confused and he said it will all work out and wanted me to lay with him and watch wrestling so i did i could not hardly sleep last night wondering what today would bring i am so confused we have 5 children 2 that are ours 3 that are mine so it is hard to get time by our selves please if anyone has any suggestions to help me get my husband to fall back in love with me please let me know i have tried spending time alone with him but he tells me he needs time by his self please some one help me i dont wanna lose him
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (26 October 2009):
 I have to say that you have had some very sound advice from Ginalolabridga and Marriedlady.
Every relationship tends to go through the stale mate time and that is no one's fault we get set in our ways and sometimes we do need to reignite the flame.
If one person is so wrapped up in the day to day things i.e. the children and home and just getting through another week and the other person goes out each day to see the world and feels like they want some changes at home at some point this will come out as 'I love you but I am no longer In love with you', that is very common.
The 'in love' bit really is at the beginning of a relationship when it is all fresh and we are learning about one another, the deeper stronger love comes from sharing life's experiences and sharing the joy of parenthood and just having fun.
Sometimes we just forget how to have fun and we become middle aged before our time.
I do feel that getting away from the home so that you can talk it through on neutral ground would be a really good idea and by suggesting some counselling depending on funds, may make the difference on saving your marriage to letting it fizzle out.
Yes we all tend to go into overdrive once we realise there is a problem and by clinging on for grim death is sometimes very claustrophobic.
Have you asked him if there is anyone else in a calm way and not hysterical way?
Have you also asked him if he wants to save your marriage?
I think you have to start somewhere and knowing how he feels is the first run of the ladder.
He may think you are so happy and in fact you are just treading water as well as you are afraid that if you vocalis e how you truly feel you might go under.
If the fun element has disappeared then you can get that old spark back but it takes work like most things.
We work at our jobs, we work at being good parents, we work at making things but we sometimes forget to work at being a couple and that is all that has happened with you.
You get out what you put in and having some couple time is not a crime or something you don't have a right to.
Just once a week for even a drink or meal or some you time is something you may have to work at fitting in and letting others help out with your children is something you may have to juggle but I am sure you can do it.
How old are your children btw?
Do you work as well as your husband?
Do you feel like you get much time together or does your mutual time together not match?
Keep us posted eh, I am sure you can salvage your relationship but both of you need to want to save it in the first place.
BFN
Country Woman
x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): The number one thing that most men value is loyalty and playing your assigned role. In sports we dont like the guy who is gadflying all over the field and doesnt want to play his position, and has no loyalty to his team. In the military you act as part of your unit and not as an individual. Thats what you should do- know your role; play your role. Your attitude should be "I'm still here, I am still the wife, I have everything covered as the mother, care taker of the house and person who is making this house a home".It may appear that he takes this for granted, but your actions speak louder than words. You are sending the message that you are reliable and loyal and that is an impression that will form in his mind over time. Smoothering him is the totally wrong approach. Like a cat, he will come to you when he senses you arent desperate. I wouldnt worry about the love thing- that changes over time for every couple anyway. Nobody stays in love exactly the same way they were at the start anyway. When his definition of love widens, you'll still be there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): love and marriage...such a complicated passage for most of us. The initial passion becomes a bit ragged with the introduction of pregnacy, sickness, childbirth, and the responsibilities of parenting. The average marriage lasts 7 years. Just enough time to add a couple of babies. You both need friends to do things with...but the most important thing i can offer is date night. It doesnt have to be expensive. i have 7 kids with 1 man...and have been married 27 years...money has been tight in our home. ..with a limited budget, many times it was mcdonalds or taco bell. I remember the day i realized something had to change. We were going thru the motions but the spark was just not there. And i made a choice...give up on 15 years of marriage or attempt to revive the spark. To be honest im not sure if we revived the old spark or created a new one. The one thing that i changed other than date night was ..i started complimenting him. At first it was hard, and awkward. But i began to see results . Just casually threw in things in front of the kids, our friends, etc.I know it sounds a bit too easy and a lot cheesy, but he began to 'bloom'. Dont lay it on too thick. I had to stretch at times to find something...but as another aunt once said...fake it 'til you make it.' I hope this helps, and really how can it hurt? And what have you got to lose? Good luck sweetheart
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): look just go on a romantic dinner, see a movie that u both like, take a walk together etc
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