A
male
age
41-50,
*ronman777
writes:So my esteemed aunts and uncles, perhaps you can help me with the pressing issues surrounding myself...I have written before about my on again off again relationship and its gotten worse to be frank - when we split up its terrible, worse than can be imagined. When were together its great and I would never have thought that she would keep changing her mind like she does - she said way back at the beginning that she makes up her mind and thats it - well not it appears when it comes to relationships. So we broke up latest week for a night again and she said that it would be better if I broke up with her, which I wouldnt becuase I'm madly in love with her - I know the reasons why she says she doesnt want to commite which involve her kids and I can see that is a beautiful relationship between mum and kids and why would you bring a stranger into that close knit bond?So my question is especially for divorced single mums out there, when do you know that its good to introduce a man to your kids, what tells you its the right time and how have things worked out? I'm deparate to try and suggest ways our relationship could work, otherwise we should possibly split up and I'll be heartbroken and so will she but at least we wont be tied into a situation that both of us cant break down.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): Actually OP you're completely missing the bigger picture here. None of what you're asking is relevant.
Because of this: "she said that it would be better if I broke up with her"
What she's basically saying is she doesn't want to be with you, but for whatever reason she can't let go, she wants you to be the one who ends it and walks away because she can't. She really doesn't see any future with you OP, none. All her reasons are excuses, perhaps she just doesn't want to hurt you but everything points to her not seeing you that way at all.
She won't introduce you to her kids, that's because she doesn't want them getting attached to you, because she wants an out OP. OP she won't even introduce you them as her "friend". She's not willing to make that commitment to you. She knows how much harder it would be if her kids started asking about when you're gone.
The reasons she doesn't want to commit aren't because of her kids OP, the reasons she doesn't want to commit is because she doesn't love you. The fact she doesn't want the kids involved is because she wants to protect them from this mess. It's already on/off but for some reason she's unable to put the final nail in the coffin of it.
She has told you she wants you to do that.
I know you're not going to but it really would best if you let her go.
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