A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I really don't know where to start but I really need some help. Desperately. I am 33-year old female and have been in a relationship with a very nice man for about 20 months, however, my mental health problems are making a relationship close to impossible. My biggest prob. is that I have no self-esteem - none whatsoever. I know there have been many factors in my life that have led me to this current place of despair and disillusionment. I have tried so many avenues to help better myself and work through my issues. I have been to countless counselors, have tried a litany of anti-depressants(am currently taking an anti-anxiety med.), I have even spent time in a hospital for this(was diagnosed with bi-polar at that time, put on Lithium-I coudn't even function on it, made me a zombie). I am at an impasse here. I feel as though my life isn't worth living. I am also frustrated with the fact that there are not enough resources available to women like me. I mean, we have a plethora of support groups like AA, Overeaters Anonymous, Bereavement groups, etc; where are the support groups for women who just feel SAD? With all the pressures put on women in todays' society, shouldn't this be essential? Maybe it's just me, but I don't think so. Something needs to give. Anything that anyone can offer would be appreciated. thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): thanks for your feedback! YOur answers were VERY helpful. And@anonymous-my relationship is so hindered by my lack of confidence that, at times, I can't even force myself to see him. Sometimes I cover my own face because I am so deathly afraid of judgement in that dept. I didn't mention that before. I was teased, bullied, etc; in school and moved around aLOT. My parents divorced when I was five-my Dad was a VERY poor role model and I witnessed him beat-up my stepmother. He cares solely for himself. I had no father figure to speak of.I have many issues with males. I have attempted to take my own life many times. And I believe there was a mention of work in my life. I do work full-time and with special needs children. And believe me, they are needy! I can't throw myself into my work when I feel so incomplete myself. How can I help these children to the best of my ability if I can barely get through the day without a panic attack. I attended the Special Olympics with some of our kids and I had a hard time not having a breeakdown! I was taking triple my typical dose just to stay afloat! I know that there is hard work to be done. I have been working on it since I was aware that I had a problem to work on. I'll probably be working on it my whole life. My finances are an issue for me, too because I'm only an ed. Tech and we are paid NOTHING for our hard work. I can't do everything that I need to do in order to get better. I'm sorry I wrote anovel here. You both were so generous with your advice. I really appreciate it. thank you so much.
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (7 February 2011):
 Well, you have it together enough to post a well written question. You express yourself very well. You seem intelligent and knowledgeable. Depression was once called "the great masquerader" because it can present itself in so many ways. There are also many different types of treatments, as you have found out. I know it is difficult to do when you are feeling so low, but you have to keep searching until you find the treatment that works for you.If you are truly depressed, it doesn't matter very much what your circumstances are. In other words, it isn't what's gone on, or what's going on, in your life that is the cause of your depression. After all, what did women like Marilyn Monroe have to be depressed about? Your depression is due to a chemical imbalance in your brain and it can be corrected. You just have to find the right psychiatrist and treatment. This is of course easier said than done. There are resources. Read through this website: http://depression.about.com/There is a lot of good information there as well as a support group. There are some very intelligent, caring, people in the depression forum. I'm sure they'll be able to answer most of the questions you have.This is a very good site for finding support groups you can visit in person, in your area. There's a lot of other good information on this site as well: http://www.nmha.org/go/find_support_Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): How is your depression impacting the relationship? Specifically?Don't want to suggest something you might have already tried, but there is group counseling for depression if you are keen on the group aspect. It just sounds like you feel utterly alone.I am a 30 year old woman, as a teenager, I definitly had low self esteem and anxiety problems, I had a variety of diagnosises, counseling, therapies, and anti-depressants before I just stopped all of it. It became meaningless to me after about a decade. (I'm not putting down anyone who receives help and I know the help I received helped me.)How does one build self-esteem? Challenging yourself. Agreeing to make yourself uncomfortable to get what you want.People who have low self esteem tend to avoid things because they think they are inadequate for whatever reason. They don't even think themselves good enough to pursue the things they want to do in life. Confront and fullfill your desires in all aspects of life, not just in relationships. Live your life in a way that makes you proud.If you can learn to be happy from your work and build a routine in life that at the very least, you agree with, then rest falls in place. I guess that's what I've found out over the years.
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