A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im 32 year old lesbian and i do get depression which i have been to the doctors and done counselling and will be doing again. i do try and have hobbies i go swimming i like to read and i see friends sometimes and i have even been to see courtcases and may look into volunteer work if i can with them. thing is i cant seem to find a well paid job and i live at home and only have my parents. i feel i cant cope and scares me to think about the future as i dont have brothers or sisters and dont know how to run a home or pay bills. i cant aford to pay bills thats why im at home. i feel my parents are all i have as only really got a couple of friends and dont see often. i feel so alone im also gay so wont have husband or kids its just me mum and dad is all i have really. im scared how to cope once they are gone and living at home is making me feel like a kid who cant cope and im scared. i wish i could work and pay the bills and get my own place but depression makes life hard as dont really want to live alone i would like a flat mate but you cant if you get a council place and im on the housing list for one. you can only live with a partner as only have one room. also i feel depression scares me to work as how will i cope in a full time job. im stuck in a rut and im so scared. plz help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): hi yeah we only have one gay bar and done all them before and its all old men that go there. yes looked into any courses and parents cant aford to pay and jobcentre are no help what so ever. i will doing counselling soon so talk it over then but im really stuck in a rut.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 July 2012):
Hi. Could you ask your parents to lend you the money for the course, and then you could repay the loan once you are working?
It's an option.
What role does the job centre play?
Is it for the purpose of getting unemployed people back into the workforce, and also offering them some training?
If so, it could be worth thinking about.
There is certainly a lot of job opportunities out there, if you have at least some computer experience.
And then you can gradually climb the ladder as your experience increases.
I feel that loneliness will disappear, if you can get some confidence by obtaining some training in some new work skills - such as computer - and once you have a regular pay cheque coming in each week, then you can look at ways to meet people you can eventually spend your life with.
And to meet new people and prospective life partners, you will need to visit places where the gay community go to meet people and make friends.
Because you will never meet someone to share your life with, if all you do is sit at home and never go out.
And of course, it naturally takes some money to take yourself out somewhere to socialize, and this will automatically change, once you have retrained and have acquired a job which pays fairly well.
So the logical sequence would seem to be that:-
(1) You get some retraining in order to get a reasonable paying job.
AND THEN, (2) Once you are starting to bring in a regular wage each week, to then begin socializing at venues in the gay community.
As you stated previously that you are gay, well then it's no good socializing in heterosexual venues.
Because you want to meet a woman to have a nice relationship with - NOT a man.
And so that will solve your loneliness issues.
And ultimately, both your problems will be solved outright - financial first, and relationships next.
Once you resolve those two areas of your life, well then you will probably find that your depression will not longer exist.
And it might take much less time than you think.
Possibly, less than 6 months, overall.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): thanks for your reply and yes its to do with money worries and jobs and being lonely. got no brothers or sisters. also i have looked at computer courses etc but it does all cost money and nothing free. i did ask on this jobcentre course that help you find work. thanks for your answer but yeah depression has been ongoing a few years really.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (28 July 2012):
Hi there. You don't say how long you are have suffered with depression.
Has it been all your life?
OR, has it only been in the last so many years?
And if it has only happened recently - the last 5-10 years for instance - was it triggered by anything?
OR, is it that your depression is really coming from the uncertainty you feel about being able to support yourself financially, and get a well paid job?
Why I am asking these questions, is that there are two reasons for depression.
(1) Depression which is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, usually showing up at about puberty or soon after. This is called clinical depression and is a medical condition - requiring medication and counselling combined, and very close monitoring.
AND (2) Depression caused by feeling lost and without direction in your life. This is a psychological issue, brought about by negative circumstances.
So in other words, if the negative events in that person's life did NOT exist, nor would the depression.
I can only guess here, however it seems your depression is stemming from your life situation.
Your main doubts are:-
(1) Fear of being unable to get a well paid job.
(2) Fear of being unable to support yourself, because of a low paying job.
(3) Nowhere to live once your parents pass.
(4) Being unable to run a household and pay your bills, because of a low paying job.
(5) No-one to take care of you later, because you won't have a husband and children - because you are gay.
A really good place to begin, is to first work out what is your top priority MAIN concern here.
From what you have said, I feel that your depression although it is a problem to you, I believe it's mainly coming from your sense of insecurity and not knowing what lies ahead for you in life - once your parents pass.
PLUS, finance seems to be a major player inluencing all these doubts.
I believe that if you could find a job which paid a reasonable salary, that would be the answer to all your concerns. I have no doubt about that whatsoever.
Are you working at the moment?
If you are, and even if you are not, it might be useful to you to get some more education, which could train you and arm you with more employment skills, which would then put you in a better place to apply for more well paying jobs.
If you are not working at the moment, you might be entitled to get some free training through one of your government's training schemes for unemployed people, which costs you nothing, and can be a tremendous advantage to you in future.
Perhaps something like a computer course in word processing, a skill which is very much sought after these days.
Almost all jobs require some basic to intermediate computer experience, so this might be well worth considering.
It's certainly a very good place to start, for sure.
And then once you had a good job with a reasonable pay each week, your would not longer have money worries.
And wouldn't that be fantastic?
All your financial woes would be behind you!
You could then consider looking for a place to live on your own and support yourself totally!
Money is very often at the very core of most problems.
So once you have a regular amount coming in each week that allows you the freedom to live the life you love, without need of help from anyone else, you won't know yourself!
You probably believe that the depression you have, is the cause of all your problems, however I believe it's just the symptom of your financial woes, and the doubts you have for your future, because of your current financial status.
So that means, if you solve your financial problems - by getting a better job eventually - well then you also at the same time, solve your depression as a natural consequence.
I really believe more than anything else, that MONEY worries is at the very core of your depression, no doubt about it.
Believe me, most people get rather down and out about not having enough money to support themselves and pay their bills.
It is a MAJOR concern for all of us, at some time.
So what needs to happen is:-
(1) Contact the government about any free computer courses to give you more employment skills.
(2) Once your course is completed, start applying for some office jobs where you can put those new work skills to good use.
Now on a different note entirely, you have told us here that you are also gay.
Is that a problem to you?
You also say you will be on your own once your parents pass, so what about finding a person to share your life with in the gay community?
There are plenty of gay couples who are very happy and really love each other, so why not also look for someone who you can be happy with?
You deserve happiness, so maybe you need to mix in different circles of friends.
If your friends are all heterosexual, well still see them if you really like them and enjoy their company.
And also, start going to gay venues, where you will certainly meet some suitable and possible life partners.
No-one wants to be lonely, and nor should they be.
We all need someone in life.
And as you say, one day you won't have your parents, so it would be nice to have someone special who loves you and respects you, to take care of each other and have a nice life to gether.
You are still very young, and have many many years ahead of you.
You might as well make them as happy as they can possibly be, don't you think?
In the meantime though, some mild antidepressants can maybe help you, while you are sorting out your work skills training, and then securing yourself a reasonable paying job.
If you don't wish to use antidepressant medication, well then what is excellent for helping to control depressive symptoms, is to exercise.
Walking, or swimming in a heated pool.
If you go walking, you could walk for 30-60 minutes each time.
It's a great way to clear the head and it also relaxes you and then gives you much more energy, as time goes by.
It will also help you to sleep well at night.
Also going on a very good quality multi vitamin tablet will also help your energy levels, and wellness, and general wellbeing.
I believe you can beat this, I really do.
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