A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi, im a 37 year old single female, im having trouble finding a man to settle down with, ive suffered from depression for nearly 20 years, and im wondering if that is my problem, ive been to see therapists and tried hypnosis, but nothing works, i also suffer with paranoia, stress, and i cant mix properly because of my shyness, i have recently had my heart broken by a man that promised me the world, so also my trust has gone too, i dont go out to meet people because its a vicious circle, i go to work go home. i sometimes feel i have nothing to go on for, plz plz help me,
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou to all that replied to my problems,, every one of em made perfect sence, thanks
A
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reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 I assume that you're getting consistent medical and psychological help for your serious problems. If not, get to it at once. This is not something that is just going to clear up all by itself. Depression, paranoia, anxiety and the like are nothing to mess with or try to solve on your own. See a professional if you aren't already doing that. And follow his or her advice.
Once that's cared for (assuming it is already) you need some meaningful activities in your life, something that will get you out of the house and associating with other people part of the time. Take a class at a local educational center of some sort. Join a hobby-oriented group that meets regularly. Get involved in a group designed to help build a better neighborhood for your area. Volunteer for some needy local organization like a hospital or charity. There are dozens of places where you can go and fit in with people who have interests that will at least come close to matching something you will like. And it will put you together with people. And that's what you need right now.
OK, you don't feel like it. Do it anyway. You're developing a very bad case of the PLOMS (poor little old me syndrome). The good news is that it's NOT an incurable disease. You have to do things that you don't want to do very much. But you know, sometimes the medicine doesn't taste so good either. Eventually it will pull you out of the doldrums. In the meantime, there's an old saying: "Fake it 'till you make it." Go and have fun. Or even PRETEND to have fun until one day you discover that you and your new friends really ARE having fun together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): oh dear honey.
I'll give you some advice that just might help.
1. start a hobby, you could well meet a man there who shares the same interests as you. If you see someone you like just give them a compliment and they will give one back.
2. List all your best features and if you ever feel down about the way you look, read your list.
3. if you see people staring and you feel paranoia strike, they're probably jealous.
4. Smile- it makes you look and feel more confident.
5. Stop worrying about the past, throw out all his things and all the things that remind you of him (if you haven't done it already).
6. Get yourself a new wardrobe, something that you look and feel great in. I love shopping and you get such a good vibe about yourself.
7. Give yourself some chill-out time each day. A bit of "me time" and think of all the positives that day not the negatives, don't dwell on the negatives.
I hope my lil' tips help.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 July 2008):
Well you just need to get over your fears and get out there! Join a writers group, a choir, a sports team, a political party, anything you see, and meet new people.
You've just got to kick yourself up the bum and tell yourself that you HAVE to do these things.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): I know how you feel. Although I haven't been around long enough to hit 20, I know my 3 years of depression is painful, compared with your 20....
It's almost pathetic.
I also know exactly how it feels to feel that drastic action seems almost necessary. That theres nothing going for you. That you can't cope anymore.
Don't get me wrong, being with someone does make you very happy. But you've been through this for so long, that your paranoia would just spring up. You'd be desperate never to loose him.
Which is understandable.
Do you enjoy your work?! Have you tried consuelling?! I'm by no means a professional, but why don't you think back to the point where it all started. Why did you suddenly become depressed?! It wasn't a overnight thing surely.
Trust is a necessity. If you have it, you'll be happy. If you don't, paranoia ties in well with it. And jealously, but at the moment that doesn't seem to be a issue.
Going by what your saying, I think you need someone you can talk to which is why I say a consuellor. It is a trademark answer of mine, but if you feel that you've been through all of that, then a friend. Family member. Someone who knows you well. Better if they've watched you grow up. Watched the depression change over time.
Thats why I spoke to one of my teachers about it...
Your not a child though, as I said, question whether your actually happy with your job. If your not but don't have enough qualifications to do what you want to do go to college and get them. Get that job. Make enough time to go out with people.
If all else fails with meeting people, and I don't normally recommend these pointless sites, but myspace and facebook enables you to find people you once knew but lost contact with. Sometimes having a conversation through typing enables you to think about what your going to say before hand. You also have the excuses for the long pauses.
If you get a account on this site you can talk to me privatley if you think I help at all. Or click on my name 'Gecko12' (=]) and you can see my e-mail address to get hold of me through that.
As I said, I know how you feel with taking drastic action (pathetic I can't actually name it but its the moderators) because I'm going through it too. As I said again 20 years is far to long. I'm only getting through it because of this site - Thank You Andrew! - and talking to people privately.
And thats my life support machine.
Good luck,,
Chris,,
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