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female
age
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anonymous
writes: I feel very depressed from my husband sexual dysfunction. We are married 25 years ago.. He is very nice man, and good father. I love him, we used to be very sexual. But sadly something happened nobody knows what, as he has no physical problems,based on very careful medical investigation. But he has no sexual desire, and when we have sex he is losing his erection,in seconds. It all started suddenly ,once he lost it , in middle of intercourse, and that was it. So since than ,he saw many doctors ,but they said, it must be psychological. Yet, he has no idea what to do wit this. My question is ,if anybody heard such a thing to lose desire, and erection , with no reasons, and if you did how could you deal with it? If I would know,he has medical reasons, I would be much more understanding. Is there something wrong with me, that Im so depressed from this whole situation? And what do you think ,what could this be? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): It's me again!
So your story is makes much more sense to me, as I heard people do get erectile dysfunction from high blood pressure.
And it could cause your libido get disturbed, as the lack of erections causing some depression. But in my husband case ,it is really hard to understand,as he is perfectly healthy. That is why Im so panicked. Thanks again
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): I'm 47. The medication is for high blood pressure.
I think the attraction is a combination of it being tight and being 'forbidden.'
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): THANKS AGAIN, Few more questions, what kind of medications did you take/?Do you have any health problems?
I m asking, because my husband does not take any meds ,and he is in good health.That is why it is hard to accept it.
Also, how old are you?
And why does it feel better in there? Is it because ,its tight? Thanks so much
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female
reader, sarahrose20  +, writes (16 September 2010):
its not that there is anything wrong with you. these things just happen. the doctors are right it is most likely in his head. depression can cause him to not be able to perform my boyfriend and i have had the same problem. were only 20 so it has nothing to do with age. try not to put pressure on him as this could be the cause as well. also dont put pressure on yourself he will pick on it and stress about it. just relax you have been together 25 years sex isnt everything you must be great companions. when he is ready he will let you know. just concentrate on letting him know its okay and you still love him wether hes able to perform or not. another suggestion i can make is jelquing look it up online it might help as its a stimulator and its free.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): My problems started with medication that has a side effect of interfering with erections. But if my mind is completely engaged, if I'm thinking "Wow, what a turn on" then everything works as it should. If on the other hand it's "oh, the routine again", things don't work so well.Uh, no, no gay tendencies. That seems to be a common misconception around anal. I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else. IF your husband is interested, and IF you're willing to try it, you should do your own research around health, hygiene and technique issues. And yes, women generally say it's painful the first time, particularly if he doesn't know what he's doing. Don't get hung up on the anal thing -- I just put that out as an example. The point is to find out what kinks your husband's never been willing to tell you about. There's all kinds of stuff out there -- somebody wrote in yesterday about a dental fetish of all things. It's different for everyone -- find out what makes *him* tick.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): THANKS......Did you have problems before to turn on and get erection? And the anal sex solved it?
Does anal sex hurt,or can do anything to your health?
Do you have gay tendencies,that is why it might work?
Thanks a lot for honesty, it really helps. Anything else comes to your mind ,let me know..
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): I'm not sure that hearing what works for someone else will apply in your case. The biggest change for us in the last few years was adding anal -- something I'd always wanted. I'd love to watch her please herself; if her hand drifts to her breast while we're making love, for example, I find that to be a thrill. But the point really is that you need to ask him what would turn him on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): Thanks for your help.What kind of new things are you talking about?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): OK hon, here's the thing. After 25 years, there are no surprises left. He knows exactly what's going to happen in the bedroom. Your lovemaking follows a script that you've been following for years. It might have been wonderful in 1990, but it ain't working anymore.
He's had the docs check everything out, there's nothing physically wrong. So it's in his head. And sex is mostly in the head.
So -- are you willing to try new things? Are you willing to challenge your comfort zone? If so, ask him, in a wholly non-judgemental way, what his fantasies are. I'm not saying that you have to accept and try everything he suggests. But let him tell you about what gets him off in his fantasies, what he might want to try, and see if any of them are things you can deal with.
I'm in your husband's spot. I've been married 25 years, and I can tell you that what we've been doing for all those years no longer works for me. I find it difficult to suggest things that might seem off the wall, but anything new helps -- a lot. If you can genuinely have an open mind, and be willing to try new things, I think you'll be satisfied.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): I'm not a master at sex, I"m only 20 years old, but I think I might know something that would help, try something new in the bedroom, me and my girlfriend have had sex a lot of times but it's been the same thing over and over, and this past month I just didn't get into it anymore and most of the time I just stop right in the middle of it, I just mostly lost my erection, then we try a few new stuff then it got better, so try something new in the bedroom and see how that works, if you haven't already.
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