A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a few problems with my girlfriend of 2 years. We couldnt get over some things that happened in the past, and hence, split up.In the months leading up to our breakup, I was feeling more and more confident that splitting up was the right thing to do. I started to see other things in her (perhaps I was making excuses to myself) which I didnt like. Like her family - they used to all get on my nerves. And then there were little things about her that I didnt like. So while she was devestated that we broke up, while I was upset, I still felt refreshed that it was over.Anyway, a few weeks after splitting up, I am not functioning properly. I am rather depressed. I have been in a state of depression for years - its just in me, I cant explain it. Its probably half the reason we dissolved the way we did. Now the depression is getting worse.I have no friends anymore, therefore I have no one to confide in. She seems to be partying away now, I look in on her facebook etc., and while I am happy for her, I cant help but feel lost that I am no longer part of her happiness.I was borderline suicidal in the past, with feelings of failure in my life. I am scared that it is returning to me again. I just dont know how to rebound, and really have no desire to keep 'battling' with life to find some happiness.Please tell me something, anything, to help me along. I see some good answers on this site sometimes, therefore I have (possibly a naive) hope that someone will say something that will help me.Please.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 March 2009):
 It seems to me that when you were in your relationship you allowed your girlfriend to become your "world" and everything you did probably included her in some way. So now you are alone, you have no idea how to cope or any ideas of what to do with yourself. This is totally normal I promise and in time, you will figure out how to function again as a single person rather than one half of a couple.
A few things you say worry me though, for example when you say you have no desire to battle with life, and that you have been borderline suicidal in the past. These things make me think that there is a strong chance you have depression, therefore I would recommend you make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible and they will be able to help. Depression is an illness and it is treatable, you dont even need to tell anyone if you feel ashamed. Just get some help for it; there is no point in you trying to fight this on your own when it is actually an illness that needs treating properly, either through drugs or therapy or a combination of both.
It is a shame you dont have anyone you can turn to during this rough time, are you not close with your family? Even if you think you dont have any friends left, there will be people from your past that will be more than happy to hear from you again. Try and re-build friendhsips; maybe start talking to a few old faces from school over facebook, find out where people are living these days and then if any are close by, suggest to meet up or something.
And if the old friends route brings no luck, then get out there and make new friends. Think of all the hobbies you enjoy/used to enjoy and pick out the most sociable ones. Join local groups where they do these activities. Or join a gym, I see so many guys that spend hours and hours in my gym and because they all go so frequently they end up getting to know each other and form little groups that hang out in the gym! Anything you are interested in can be turned into a social activity, whether it is sports, or reading (book-clubs are great for meeting new people), politics, volunteering etc etc. Research what is going on in your local area and then just be brave and get out there and meet people.
But all of the above will be easier once you do get treatment for your depression, depression makes you uninterested in life so once you get treatment you will soon learn to love life again. But you have to be willing to get yourself out of this state, there is no point in going for therapy if you do not believe it will work/dont want it to work. It is almost like an addict when they hit rock bottom and then realise they need help, you also need to hit that "rock bottom" which will help you to see that you need to do something about this problem before it gets worse.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, playlislay +, writes (13 March 2009):
Things in the past?ok, listen to me and hear me out dude. Sometimes hurt or problems from the past can take a long time to heal. If you loved her then you would have waited and let the problems fade away. It could have taken a couple of years but if you love someone that much and they love you, then you should have had the strength to work through your problems. Obviously you didnt love that much! Does she still love you? Would you really want to be with her again? Or would you prefer to start again with someone new? All I can tell you is that life isnt going to be easy and the grass isnt always greener, but at the end of the day it is only you that can choose what you want from life. People give up too easily these days. Never mind.If you dont want her back then you need to start getting onto some dating websites to flirt your socks off!!!! :O)Good luck!
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