A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Last year was amazing. I had such a positive outlook and great things happened to me. My relationship was solid but I was aware that my boyfriend's life wasn't going as well but he was proud of me and we were happy together. However in october he took a knock-back and it hit him hard. I saw him sinking and spoke to him and was there for him. In February I noticed he was sinking again. It effected me, I was devastated to see him so low. I talked to him about his life and tried to help with suggestions of what he could do offering support.He kept letting me down and pushing me out and at the end of the month I told him i didn't know if I could take it anymore. On 1st March he announced he couldn't make me happy as he was unhappy and as he couldn't give me what I wanted, he was leaving me. We'd just celebrated our 7th anniversary. I think he is suffering with depression because he says he doesn't know why he feels this way but he hates himself. He says he loves me and there's no-one else.His dad died 5 years ago at 69, my boyfriend was only 25. He turns 30 this year and feels that's a big deal. He hates his job and on top of that has been trying to make his dreams come true to no avail. He said I was the only good thing in his life but he's decided to opt out of that.I've however been happy at work (self-employed), had good news am turning 40 this year and am not bothered. Things couldn't have been better or so I thought.Sadly we've been here 2 years ago before but he came back and I never thought he'd do the exact same thing again. I had to let him go but my Dad has told me something that has broken my heart. In January my boyfriend had asked Dad for permission to propose to me later this year. Please help me, I feel so confused and though I sort of understand what he's going through, that final paragraph about him wanting to marry me has really knocked me. Sorry this is so long, I though background info might be useful.Has anyone any similar experiences? Any men who think they can shed any light? I don't think this is a case of cold feet but he won't see a doctor as they didn't spot his dad's cancer so he has little faith.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 April 2009):
Yep, he has clinical depression.
That means there are a load of chemicals swimming round his head telling him he's crap, that everyone will be better off without him, and that no one understands.
Depression makes EVERYTHING about you. You become self obsessed. In his mind he will just not consider the fact that dumping you might upset you... he'll just think it's better for both of you because he's rubbish and therefore you'll be happy once he's gone.
He NEEDS drugs to sort these chemicals out and then once they have mellowed him enough for him to function like a normal person he can sort his life out, do exercise, get a better job, do all that stuff, and when the causes of depression have gone, he can come off the pills and he should be ok.
He needs practical help. No amount of talking and cuddles can help someone who is mentally ill, in the same way that no amount of honey and lemon can cure tuberculosis.
Go round and tell him to stop being a twat and get to a doctor. Keep nagging him and stalking him and shouting at him till he does it just to make you go away.
If he gets any worse then he'll be at risk of self harm and suicide.
Good Luck!! xx
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