A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, here goes. Last summer I helped with job training for a group of people from outside agencies (it's a program we do at my work.) As was supposed to happen, they all went on to work other places.I had given my phone number to the whole group because I was the person they were supposed to come to if they had any administrative problems during the training. It was given in a completely impersonal way: I wrote it on the board and requested that they copy it down so they could contact me if necessary about grades, etc.One of the guys apparently took this business gesture as carte blanche to contact me for personal reasons. He was dating someone at the time of the job training but started texting me out of the blue a few months ago, evidently after they broke up. I'm assuming he still had my number from the job training, as I certainly never gave it to him one-on-one.I have no interest in this guy and have declined, as politely as I know how, every single one of his invitations to meet up and go do something. Didn't work. Recently I saw him at an interagency meeting and I made a point of avoiding/ignoring him the whole time, hoping he would finally get the hint. I thought he had because I didn't hear from him for a while after that, but now here he is texting me again!I might have to work with him on a project in the near future, so I want to be sure he knows I have zero interest in a romantic relationship. Nothing has worked so far!! Any suggestions for how I could make this clear, short of being a complete asshole? (I'm entirely capable of that if it becomes necessary, but would prefer to be polite because, as I stated, I might see him for business reasons in the future.)Thanks for any advice!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2009):
 Okay, you do need to be prepared to go to HR with this. Don't make the mistake of trying to be nice and winding up in a situation where you have to leave.
You have to be very plain and blunt with him. Hinting isn't working.
"I am starting to feel uncomfortable around you because you keep asking me out for drinks (or a date or whatever it is he's doing). I have said no politely but I need to make sure that you understand that no means no. Please stop asking me. This is highly inappropriate and I would like to be able to feel comfortable working on the same team as you."
Write it down, date it and make sure you get this to HR if he contacts you again!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): I forgot to mention that he is 14 years older than I am.
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