A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think i am depressed. Or maybe i am just feeling sorry for myself. Only i don't know what to do.I haven't had a good few years. I know death is all part of life, they always say you are born to die, but the past few years have been ridiculous. In november 2002, my maternal grandad died after a long illness and i earnestly think he came home from hospital especially to die and though it was inevitable, when it happened i missed him terribly. Still do.Then he was followed by my Aunt who commited suicide in the first week of 2003. She had tried it first in the summer of 2002, so when she succeeded only 6 months later it was a shock. I was devastated, but i think she was the bravest person i had ever known.Then in the summer of 2003, i was in the car with my fraternal grandad driving, and was sat next to my grandma in the back when she started having breathing problems, and had a heart attack in front of me. I wish i had been able to help, but i was helpless and for months afterwards i was haunted by the thought that if i hadnt been so stupid i would have been able to help. And i was also hearing her last words, they kept reverbarating round my head, that i cried myself to sleep for months.Things were quiet for a while, distant relatives died, but as we are not a close knit family, those didnt bother me because i didnt know them. But then in 2006 my maternal grandma died. But this time i was not devastated. She had been a mean old woman, bitter and spiteful and when my other grandma had died in 2003, this grandma had said some unforgivable things to me. I suppose it is because my fraternal grandma had always been my favourite. But the thing is, because i hated her, i just didnt care she had died, i was glad. I had been told while i was with a friend shopping and i just wanted to carry on with my day, but i knew i couldnt mainly because the ambulance people wnated me there, and i had to wait for my mum to come from work. I know that reads terrible, but its the truth. But i did feel sorry for my mum, but that got to much when she went on about her mother which is understandable, but now i have to see the old womans face above the damn fireplace every day. But now, i just think to myself, if i can hate her now, even when she is dead, what does that make me? A monster?Anyway, at the beginning of december last year, my fraternal grandad died. It was sad, but i have been thinking since, that its better for him because he didnt have any quality in life.But what do i do now? I have my mum and dad left and few friends. I do not confide in my parents, we are not that close, many of my friends are not friends at all, they just want me when they are bored or want driving somewhere or want to borrow money, so what can i do, to stop mourning, hating, improve my life?I am a shy person, trust too easily and basically walked all over, and quite frankly all i do is think sad thoughts. I always say to myself, i am not depressed, if i was i wouldnt know it would i?Sorry for the long email.I hope you can help meThankyou.
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male
reader, emad khan  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 I really sorry for your loss. I understand your feelings... it's like ,"does this get any better?". But the thing is, that life will not improve unless we act. We have to make life better, because it's not going to change by itself. Another thing. I believe that life is a lesson. You may not believe in Karma, or Buddhism, or even God... Ok. But give it a thought. Perhaps this life for you...is a lesson in dealing with loss. Everything we have will soon dissapear.Even the luckiest individuals, who seem to have it all, will one day suffer excruciating pain, of loss, and sadness. You have to fight! Life can be seen as a war, or an uphill struggle. There are moments of happiness, and moments of difficulty. But we have to fight. I'm sorry to disagree about your aunt's suicide. I do not believe she was brave. It's a lot more difficult to live, than die. Death is (seemingly) the easy way out. Fight till the end! Fight for happiness, and accept that in life there is much suffering. There are few people in this world that don't feel great sadness, or depression. The winners are those, that can, despite their pain and sadness, and loss, etc...manage to make it to the end, having gained some knowledge. So take heart in the knowing that you're not alone out there. There are billions of people depressed with you. We're all fighting the fight. Take care and be strong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): Ok this might not help you at all but here is goes .... I in 2007 lost 10 very close family members the closet being my dad I am 41 yrs old and also beleive he came home from the hospital just to say good bye cause he only lived 1 hr after i got him home .. Life isnt fair sometimes in the 10 people 3 was kids 2 newborns and one 8 yr old all this in one year.... its alot !!!but the old saying we was born to die is true we do all have to go at sometimes my boyfriend always tells me that is how it is and he is right .. I dont understand nor will i ever I also go through depression more then i care to talk about but..... Think Of It Like This It Is better to have Lived and Loved Then Never to Have Lived At All.... You Have to Have Life Before You Have Death
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