A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey! I guess this seems like, to me, a very generic situation but who knows... every couple is different. I just need some help about this relationship I was in and I need advice. So here is some background info:I have grown up with a family that has moved residences (major moves) 7 times in my lifetime. I guess you could say this has affected my personality a little. At first when I was younger I found it very easy to make friends, but after each move I started to give up and now I am extremely anti-social because I don't see a point in a friendship if I'm just going to be moving away any time.I am 19 years old now, live with my parents... still... and I go to a local college. I am a handsome, tall, smart young man to say the least. Recently, after my most previous move, I was in the 11th grade starting out at a new high school. Within the first week I met a woman (1 year older than me) and we became incredible friends. After one year of being best friends I asked to be her boyfriend.Now to the present:Now we're both in college in the same city but at different colleges. On new year's day she moved out of her parents' house and into her own apartment that she is financing all on her own. She is a very independent person with similar anti-social traits like myself - but that *does not* mean that either of us are mean people - we're just shy people. Over the past two years we have been incredible together. I can say with confidence that we were truly in love with each other. I never imagined being as happy as I was when I was with her in my entire life. But somehow, recently, after her moving out, she decided to break up and to just 'be friends.' Some differences between us:---She is and always was an A+ student... and I am a B/A kind of average student.---She always has to be doing something, it doesn't matter what it is as long as its productive. I like to relax and procrastinate and play video games... But I am not a slob, I get done what needs to get done and I often times do it well. ---Her father left when she was a small child and her mother raised her. She is a single child and they were very poor. This means, like I said, that she is independent. She does not need me for anything. I on the other hand was the youngest sibling and my parents tell me I was a attention seeker when I was little. ---We are both of Christian faith but have some minor different beliefs/perceptions and to her this is a big deal. We weren't / aren't "Church goers" .So we broke up about two weeks ago. Of course I was completely shattered for days... I'm still getting over it (why else would I be writing this?) She said it was because she was unhappy. I'm not too sure what that means. She also said it was because we just weren't meant for each other and that "Our lives are going in different directions." Heres the thing though... I love her deeply. I do not want to give up on her and she doesn't want to loose me either because she wants to be my friend. I believe that she truly meant it when she said that she wanted to be my friend after the breakup. She is an incredibly beautiful woman in her own respects. She is smart, sincere, truthful, and irresistibly sexy. ---Would it be possible to get back together with her? ---Can a relationship survive if each person has a career (or getting an education for one) that they would do anything for? ---We havn't talked in weeks. Is ignoring her (avoiding all contact for a while) a good way of getting her to want me again?---What should I do in order to secure the possibility (if any) of getting her back? ---She has the kind of independant personality that causes her to never look back. By this point, can she still care for me?Thanks everybody
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best friend, broke up, christian, confidence, get back together, live with my parents, moved out, my ex, shy, video games Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): Thanks Tennisstar88! This is the OP, I should have made an account :(She did ask for space. I don't think I ever smothered her during our relationship though. She pretty much said I need to find someone else to get over her and that she doesn't want to talk to or see me for a while. I am respecting that. She also said that we will never be romantically involved with each other again (She is very straight forward).We broke up on good terms, nothing bad happened, but based on what I wrote up there... I am doubtful a friendship could ever turn into a relationship with her. She did just email me though. She asked how I was doing, I said I was fine. I dont think she's going to respond to that. How long should I wait (with this no contact thing) before trying to become her friend again?
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (30 January 2011):
 Really anything is possible, even getting back together.. Especially since you guys broke up on good terms and are still remaining friends. Did she ask for space? If so it's best to respect that.
I believe she has too much on her plate as far as life is concerned and is really focused on making it go somewhere.
Sure, people can go to college and still date. It depends on their field though, I found dating medical and law students to be impossible. Also note that college has a lot of opportunities as far as education and dating. A lot of people who enter college in a relationship, often break it off. I will say relationships do survive, but not very many.
No contact is a way of getting over an ex, not getting them back.
Honestly, this break up is still raw. I believe you need to give it time before getting her back. Give it about 2-3 weeks of actually trying to be her friend, then confess that you want her back. If she doesn't think it's worth a second shot then it's time to move on and maintain no contact.
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