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Dazed and really confused. Really need to figure out what I'm going to do

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 March 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 25 March 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I am in a very interesting and complicated relationship. I have been dating a guy for about 6 months and we both love each other very much. Now here comes the complications. He's 32 and I'm 21. He has 2 very young kids (A 1 year old and an 8 month old) and he lives with the mother of his children.

We've been through our share of drama already. When he told the mother of his children that he's with me she then decides to get my phone number by going through his phone and started calling me numerous times a day and when I would answer the phone she wouldn't answer. I told him and she stopped calling me. 3 months after that I was over his house and while we were talking I asked him did him and his ex sleep in the same bed he told me yes. He said that they really don't want to be there together since one works during the day and the other at night. I gave him an earful and he didn't want me to leave. So I didn't break up with him, then I found out that they slept together once because I was having doubts about our relationship. I didn't break up with him then and he told me it was a one time thing.

Of course I lost trust for him and I told him if he really wanted to be with me he would have to get my trust back. He's done so much since then, he's bought me presents, given me money, took me places and we talked on the phone for hours every day and she hated that so much. So just last month after a drama-free 2 months she decides to make a page using my pictures that I took for my boyfriend that were pretty explict and basically called me a hoe. I called him and told him and he yelled at her which at first she denied she did it. I threatened to press charges against her because that is illegal. And then he got her on the phone and she apologized and saying that I don't need to press charges because of her kids and stuff.

But here is the way I see it... if you commit a crime and you don't expect for somebody to see it and press charges because your a mom that's a bunch of bull and I'm sorry. And her apology was bull. But I didn't do it. Now I have given him 3 months to make this situation better since he loves me so much or I'm done with it all.

So my question is: should I just leave him because he put me through so much already or should I stick it out because he's really making an effort to be with me?

View related questions: his ex, money

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009):

well then in that case you have every right to be upset about this.i understand that kids make it more complicated but if he loves you then he should be with you,not her.besides,she is dating someone else too so i don't see why she would have a problem with that.you should tell him that you want him to be with you and i mean really be with you and that you're sick and tired of the way he treats you.if he's still having second thoughts then you should definitely leave him honey.you're so young you don'n need all this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009):

I didnt see where it says "his wife" but if he really loves you then he need to move out that house. Living with his baby mother, sleeping in the same bed, had sex witth her. Be honest with yourself and take charge; He may act like he is trying but I dont see it. You should move on while its still fresh.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

To be a little more clear on the situation. They never been married at all that's his ex-girlfriend and she's dating my cousin. Just to let you know.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009):

if he's currently cheating on his wife with you then how can you be sure that when/if he ever leaves her and decides to be with you he won't do the same to you some day?and the way you speak of his wife is a little harsh.did you ever take a second to think about how she must feel from this whole situation?both you and her husband hurt her very much and i really don't think you have the right to judge her for what she did.i'm not saying it's right but i can definitely identify with her far more easily than i can identify with you.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (25 March 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntHa ha this is rich...you don't feel you can trust the guy you are cheating with...ha ha Ya think?!!!!!

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