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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I;m having a serious dilemma. Its a long story ,but I will the try short form, so I wouldn't go too deep.So my daughter is trying to make us go to social events thru a very fancy university. Social balls, etc. We feel totally out of place, as we are more of the 'artist' type, kind of isolated and weird. We don't even have the right outfit, to go.But....We love her, and we really want her to be happy, yet we can;t imagine ourselves, in this kind of group of people.I know it;s very hard to understand this, yet, I wish if you would tell what do you think? Do We have right to refuse such a request? Please tell, what ever you think on this issue . Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): I was wondering, that is the only way to show ,our love?What about the other parents who are challenging their kids on so many other ways ? Like drinking,drugs divorces,heavy religious pressure? We are otherwise very loving,and responsible people.We just have truble with snobs, who might judges you fro your obvious different ideas, when you get into small talk.We are very proud of her, and support heremotionally and finacially every other way.I'mnot asking to rescue us, just please tell me how do you see the right thing from your place..Thanks millions
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): No you don't , i think that she obviously knows what you're like and she still wants you to come which is good. Just go and be proud that she got into such a prestigious university! Make the night about her and not worrying about yourselves being out of your comfort zone for one night
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 You can rent outfits.
Your daughter is trying to include you in her life. Be thankful, far to many families drift apart.
Would you rather she tried to exclude you because she was embarrassed.
If she is asking you to attend weekly balls, yes, that might be a bit much. But if she is asking you to attend to occasional formal invent just like all the other parents then I don't see you have the right to refuge. What next, not attending her schoolplay because you don't like sitting in a school hall? Not attending her wedding because you have no formal dress? No going to see her newborn baby because you dislike hospitals?
Not your kind of people. Your daughter that YOU raised is this kind of people.
Just rent a tux and formal dress and suck it up.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 May 2009):
Well it depends on how old she is and what the context is.
If she's still fairly young and this is a ball that EVERYONE will be at and EVERYONE is bringing their parents to... then yes, you should make the effort, go in your own tie-dyed ball gown and support her.
If she's graduated and this is just some random event amongst many then make an excuse, say you can't make it that day, but it's not really your thing anyway.
BUT invite her to something nice that IS your thing. Invite her to a gallery opening or something so you get a night out with her and it's fun. Having something lined up so you can organise to see her within minutes of rejecting her ball invitation.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Yes, of course you have the right to refuse. Tell your daughter just what you've told us -- that it's not your thing. She chooses her social events, and you choose yours.
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