A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Suffering mother in lawMy daughter in law just wants my son and not me at all.Latest is to day both grandparents present and the 2 grandmothers did the cradle fun ceremony and were ready to leave town. She gave the baby to all 3 grandparents to hold one by one and not to me.If I say word all hell will break lose. I just left without holding the baby.The daughter in law thinks her husband came out of and grew up on tree and not a woman who is now her mother law who has a lot of love for her kid.I am not living with them. They do not even call me. I think some one becomes a scape goat for all things that go wrong or blamed for and it is me now and for ever. It is over correction now a days. It is not anymore mother in trying to boss around etc like old times? It is the daughter in law's raj now a days.What she says or likes goes. She is very rude to me point blank even in front of her mother and she will not say anything. She has taken worst revenge she knows how and hurt me by not placing my only grand son in my hands. I gave her a lot of gold at the time of marriage and now to grandson and her mother did not give anything but sit and smile. My son loves her too and says I am wrong and asks me to keep my mouth shut at all times. Kalyug agaya sas ka nahin bahu ka. By the way both parents came to states after marriages and the kids are born and grown up here. help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): When you want contact with your child, phone your son, not your daughter in law. When u do have to run into her, compliment her home, aPpearence in some wAy so she'll warm up to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): you have a lot of trust to build. Your daughter in law has issues, that's true. But i am sensing some bad attitudes, from you. Try to make peace. Maybe invite them over for a meal, just you them and the baby. And if she does not bring the baby dont make an issue of it. Serve something very nice at the meal. Tell them you love them, both. Ask how you can best support them. Apologise for your past behaviour that hurt them. Promise you will stop complaining about them behind their backs (if that is one of the things you have done). Do not wail, do not complain, do not have tantrums, do not make a scene. That is immature and is not respectful to them, and makes you look silly. Dont gossip behind their back. Dont say nasty rude things in your native language when in company. That is VERY disrespectful. Rise above your natural inclination to be gossipy and petty and mean spirited and resentful. Your son and daughter in law need to be able to make a life together, without interference from you. Do you want to be remembered as the 'nasty mother in law?' Yes you have given valuable bride gift. It does not mean you get to decide what happens in your son's marriage. That does not allow you to rule your son and daughter in law. Your son's first loyalty now IS to his wife and children. Your son is being a wonderfully loyal husband by asking you to keep your tongue still. That suggests you have caused trouble and bad feeling in the past.
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