A
female
age
41-50,
*ita_1982
writes:So I have been dating this guy for 3 months. Yesterday he called me and said he realizes I am wanting us to be in a relationship but he is not ready for that. Although he loves going out and doing stuff with me. He is young 24! But I am not sure I am taking it the wrong way but to me if feels like he was saying you are not exactly what I am looking for but I want to continue to be able to go out with you just so I have you if nothing better comes along. I am not sure I am taking that correctly or not or maybe I am forcing something and he is just not ready for that next step. He did say maybe in another 3 months but not to get my hopes up because he doesn't want to hurt me. Very confused. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (23 November 2009):
 You clearly want more than he does so I think you better cut your losses now. His age has nothing to do with anything, it's the way he feels about you. He's not sure about you and that is not good enough.
You say 'to me if feels like he was saying you are not exactly what I am looking for but I want to continue to be able to go out with you just so I have you if nothing better comes along.' YOU ARE RIGHT.
If he liked you enough he'd want you to be his girlfriend. He wouldn't string you along like this. Basically, he's setting you up for the chance that tomorrow or two weeks down the line he'll find someone else and then be able to tell you 'but we weren't in a relationship.'
Don't take that crap from anyone. You deserve someone who will be with you a 100%. Don't wait another day, week or month like one of the other posters said...why should YOU wait for HIM? He's already told you not to get your hopes up.
I know you like him and all that but if he's telling you all this he's trying to find a way out. Be strong and know what you want. Tell him that you want different things and that if he's not able to give you that you need to leave. 3 months is long enough for someone to decide if they want to get serious with you.
Don't be one of his options...you are better than that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): You're entitled to do what you want, there is nothing crazy about just dating. Which i am sure he would love to do. Just dating you or somebody else, different girl every week....
But is it what you want?
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A
female
reader, MammaDex  +, writes (23 November 2009):
The difference between women and men is that women tends to take most relationship seriously (I'm talking about majority women) and guys tends to take relationship as a test machine (guys, dun get upset, i know majority guys are not like this, its the minority I'm talking about)..
Basically guys tends to get confused faster then gals.. its just human nature..
To my opinion, what he said meant that he is not prepared to take the next level of relationship, he wants to be sure you are the gal for him.. I would say that i may blame him for saying this things, which i thing is not appropriate thing to say after he had went out with you and did stuff.. Cause if he is confused and unsure he shouldn't give you hope in the 1st place, why after 3 months then he says all this stuff...
However, what i said maybe contradicting to what I'm going to say... You shouldn't have given a lot of hope in the relationship since its only the starting stage, basically you should have gave him like only 30% of your heart not to the extend when he says such a thing will be a bother to you..
Solution: Basically i'd would suggest you to look at the bright side and wait till 3 more months (only 3 more months and dats it), during that period, you pull yourself a bit by bit from him.. so that if he has a bad news for you, you are prepared to leave him, and if he wishes to continue to be with you, you know you are able to control your emotions... Normally i would suggest you to just forget this guy and leave him, however i can't be too mean to you.. seems like you really loves him, so during this time, you could really help yourself out...
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, rita_1982 +, writes (23 November 2009):
rita_1982 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! We are actually going out tonight and one of my big things is I am to good to be having to compete with other girls. If after 3 months he still want to look around I think that is a sign that I am a convinence so I am planning on talking about this tonight. We do not have to be in a so called relationship but we can just be dating one another! Am I crazy for thinking that?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (23 November 2009):
 I know where you are coming from with this. I went through a similar experience with the last guy I dated.
He really wanted to see me, spend time with me, but was not willing to commit fully, as he was "not ready to be in a relationship" so he would never call me his "girlfriend" because we were not "officially" dating as it was too serious for him at that time. He also used the "I dont want to hurt you" line on me, and not to get my hopes up, because he may in the end not want a serious relationship with me.
Anyway, turned out he was enjoying spending time with me, but also searching online for other women (thankfully I didnt sleep with him). It all blew up, when I found out about this after he went out on a date with one of the internet girls. His response was "we are not serious, and I may or may not want to date this woman in the future". Basically he wanted to try lots of women out, keeping us all hanging around until he decided on the one he wanted most.
Needless to say, I kicked him into touch.
Just be careful. after dating for three months, I think you know deep down if things will work within a relationship. If you are unsure at all, maybe you should cut your losses and find someone a bit older who is a little bit more committed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): You said it, he is not that into you. If he REALLY liked you he would never said it to you.
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