A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have a question about my relationship with my bf. We've been together for almost 3 yrs now and we rarely ever get sexually active. We haven't had sex yet. Neither one of us has had it before and when we try we don't get very far. He is 27 and I am 23. I don't understand why he isn't interested in even playing around in bed or anything of that sort. Im the one who always tries to initiate things. He always has excuses like he's tired or stressed out. He has been losing hair for the past few years and is not confident in his looks at all. He always thinks that he doesn't look good like he used to in high school. I'm not sure if that's a big part of the problem, but i know he has 0 self esteem when it comes to his looks. He's also been studying for the LSAT, which is the exam he needs to do well in to enroll in law school. He's been very stressed out about that as well, but I would like that once in a blue moon he would want to do something in bed. I know he watches porn. I wouldn't mind if he saw it but the fact that he sees it and fails to do things with me upsets me a lot. He says he finds me attractive, but I'm starting to think otherwise. I know he is not cheating on me because we live together and I see him every single day. Can you give me an idea of what might be going on?
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porn, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2015): I say the same as Anon reader. What ever the reason for his hesitation,forget him and move on.I am sure there are plenty of other guys out there who would die to have sex with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015): Asexual. Look it up.
Not every one is crazed-sex bunny (even if young).
If not that: Wiseowl's suggestion might be correct. You wouldn't know till he actually decides to "come out".
BUT, I'm leaning more towards asexual.
Either way-you're clearly very frustrated by this and are starting to become offended/questioning his word etc. I think is better to leave for your OWN self-esteem (re:body concerns you've already let run wild).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015): You can't live without sex.
Three years is a long time not to have sex.
You need to move on.
He is not going to change.
You will eventually begin to resent him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 June 2015):
 I actually think that some guys can have such low esteem that they would rather go without sex. The fear that some girl would laugh at his small penis, criticize his performance would kill him. It's much safer to abstain than to suffer humiliation. There is a correlation between high testosterone and losing baldness, although his hair loss could be attributed to poor health. You would think that most men is a horn dogs, but no, there are guys who are scared of sex and they are the silent sufferers because most of them would not talk about it for fear or ridicule.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015): The odds are highly in favor that the guy is gay! You're probably his beard. If he has a very religious or conservative family; he has a girlfriend for appearances.It's easier than having to explain why you don't have one!Looks have little to nothing to do with your sex drive. I think sexual-orientation has more to do with it. You've never had sex? Not even once? If he is heterosexual, he'd get hot and bothered at least once in awhile; and would want to have sex with you. Porn is his preferred outlet.It's easier than having sex with YOU! Lots of gay men watch straight-porn; especially when they are hiding behind a beard, and locked in the closet. How can you remain in a sexless relationship so long with a guy who can constantly find excuses not to make love to you?Stress and self-esteem doesn't seem to effect his ability to masturbate to porn!
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