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Dating for teenagers in the 21st century: written by a teen

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Dating, Friends, Sex, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Article - (1 September 2014) 8 Comments - (Newest, 6 September 2014)
A male United States age 22-25, Forge writes:

We all know that we want to date, and it's an exhilarating experience for us guys that can do it right; getting to hold the girl you've asked on this date in your arms, or get that long evaded kiss you've ever dreamed of.

I'm unsure of the girls, but I can guess it would be a bit similar; getting to be with the boy you've crushed on for months, or finally receiving the good night kiss you see in all of your movies.

Although, for those of us that aren't so lucky, we're anxious, embarrassed, and sure as hell nervous. Afraid is on that list too. But why feel any of these? Rejection. We've all encountered it at some point, and it's definitely hard to deal with, especially if you've fallen for the person that sits 3 rows away, and you stare at them without their knowledge.

So, how to address rejection? Two ways. 1: head on. This could go either way. You'll end up asking "will you go out with me?" And get turned down. So, instead of freaking out right there, you would respond with a cool, level headed "okay, well, I'll see you around then. Sorry this won't work out." But don't say it in a sad way. It shows weakness, and that's the icing on the cake for them.

2: Not so head on. Basically, getting mad, or angry, or sad at the person because you couldn't get what you want, and you make a big deal of it on the spot. This is NOT the way to handle rejection in the slightest. It will only land you in trouble.

Well, what about when it does go your way, and you get to go out with the person? Where did you ask them to? The movies? Dinner? A concert? Doesn't matter much. The etiquette is basically the same for almost everywhere you end up going.

NO FAST MOVES. I'd you decide to play douchebag, and go for a touch somewhere inappropriate, or a kiss that is not deserved, nor timed right (yes, timing matters), you will get... slapped, or punched. Or flat out turned away without a word. BAM! No date, no relationship, no more friendship. There really isn't a way to fix your friendship with this person after trying to pull a fast one. Take it slow, and steady. Don't go in early. Wait for the right time, then hit the button.

But what if they turn the tables and try to go quickly onto you? You leave the situation. Just get up and leave. If you drove there, get in your car, and go home. These people thatat make fast moves are only in it for the sex. Thank you, past experience. Your friendship is ruined, as well as the rest of your night. If they didn't drive, tough. They get a taxi, or call a parent/friend. Don't worry about them. It's their fail. Let them hit the wall harder than you.

And as for the location... nothing expensive like a candle lit dinner, and no huge events, like bungee jumping. Go swimming. Go for a hike. Go to the movies. Something that is a bit more financial-friendly. Besides, something expensive is a bit over the top for both of you. I know I'd be overwhelmed by the move. Go for the $40 rule. Spend no more than $40 on the date, give or take about ten. It varies.

Go with a group. A trusted group. Someone you trust as not only your friend, but your wingman (or wingwoman... however that works). Go with 2 or 3 other friends and their dates. Although just make sure they aren't better looking than you... just kidding.

Got a curfew? Don't bend the rules for it. Usually parents are more lenient with dates as to your curfew, although don't just follow your own, follow your date's as well. If he/she needs to be home at midnight, and you don't need to be home until 2 am, have them home by midnight. Don't leave at midnight, get them home at that time. It will put you in a better position with the parents. That's always a boost for your record... but don't let it go to your head.

No car? No money? You don't need either. I have this problem. I'm too young for a job, so I save up as much as I can. I do a lot more work for the event. If you're lazy, tough luck. As for the car, get a parent or older sibling to drive you. BUT, don't sit in passenger with your date in the backseat. Sit with them in the back, just to make them feel more comfortable, not to mention, you'll get to be close to them. If you absolutely can't earn money... Netflix date with a bunch of other friends. Popcorn, candy, chips, and an unlimited list of movies. No Netflix? Rent something from redbox. If all else fails, I can't help you then. Improvise, I guess.

When it's all over, what then? Your friends have all gone home, it's just you and your date. Alone, in the cool night air, the porch light shining above you. Here is when the timing for that kiss is right, but only if your date went well for BOTH of you. Not just you, or just the person you went with. Do it slowly, no bad breath, no quick peck either. A 3 (MAYBE 4) second kiss is the best. I won't tell you how to do it. That's for you to find out.

If your breath reeks, don't kiss them. AT ALL. This is why you NEED to carry mints on you at all times. One after the meal, one in the car, one as you step out of the car. Mint timing... sounds weird, but I know it matters without a doubt. Mints aren't candy though. Don't just eat them all in one go. Two at the most. If it's like sugar, you probably got some "okay" ones. If the peppermint makes your eyes water, "nice shooting, Tex." Spot on. Trust me, the watery eyes will be worth it. Get strong ones, but not so strong the mint hurts. That's just overkill. Also, offer your date one. If they ask why, don't say "because your breath stinks." Just say "because I have some to give out, and though you might want one." Say this while holding the pack in your hands. Emphasis helps.

During the date, (this is for the guys) LISTEN. Let her talk. Ask her some questions you are actually interested in knowing. Don't tell her of your achievements, or how many girls you've been with. And pay attention, for Goodness sake. Not hard. [Thank you Mark1978 for that tip!]

And now, the one everyone loves to hear:

What if you "Get Lucky?"

The answer is... you don't.

You don't get lucky. If they offer it, you deny. You're a teen, not an adult.

Don't go around making babies until you're actually ready. And 16-17 is not ready. I'm talking 21-22 (or if you're married before that). If they offer you even a peek at something, you kindly deny. "Maybe another time." Should be your chill answer. "Hell no." Is your freak out answer.

Chances are, if they offer you sex on the first (or second) date, they aren't the person for you.

They are looking for more than you should be willing to give.

After that, if they cool it after they ask, you MIGHT be able to offer another date/relationship with them. If they do it again, it's over with them. It may even be smarter to end it after that first time. And don't offer it to them.

Same rules apply to both sides, in this run.

The break ups are hard, unless you have a heart made of stone, than you're a dick. If you need to break up with them, and you are both okay with the fact it needs to happen (for your justified reasons), you calmly end it with them with the understanding that neither of you want to be with each other anymore. Not from anger, but just because there might be other people, or you just flat out don't love each other anymore. Work out your differences, and end it, no strings still attached. Stay friends, or don't. Your choice.

What if you need to break up with them? Don't do it rudely. A simple "I don't think we should be together anymore because -reason-" And to their face. Via text or phone call is not very respectful, and even considered rude and as far as cowardly in some occasions.

If they break up with you, just know they have their reasons, and you should not be angry for it. Move on.

Take a week or two break from dating, then get back in the game. If you need longer, take longer.

This is what the dating world looks, sounds, and feels like to a 15 year old high school sophomore. I've had my fair share of experiences, some good, some bad. Most rejected, two accepted. On my way to a hopeful 3rd acception. I've fallen for a girl, and am writing this not only as help to those of you that need it, but to reassure myself and go over what I know, and how not to mess up.

Remember me in your next relationship, my friends, and wish me luck as I journey into the great unknown that is dating!

"Follow your heart true, for it may know better than your thoughts"

-Førg€

View related questions: crush, money, move on, text

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A male reader, Forge United States +, writes (6 September 2014):

Forge is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Forge agony auntThank you for that! It helps. I'm in a bad way right now, but I'm happy to hear that. I'll be writing another article (or several more) about various topics that were and weren't discussed here.

-Førg€

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A female reader, ShakeWutUrMamaGaveYou United Kingdom +, writes (6 September 2014):

Hi Forge. This is an AMAZING article!!!!!! I can't put in to words how amazing it is. Woow!!! I actually didn't know that there were such things as nice 15 year-old guys like yourselves. Every other teenage guy I know is a jerk!!! This is sooooo gooood, and your writing is absolutely outstanding!!! Have faith in yourself my friend!!! That girl really don't know what she's missing out on!!! Good luck!!! I wish you the very best!!!

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A male reader, Forge United States +, writes (5 September 2014):

Forge is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Forge agony auntEr... separate articles. Not desperate articles. My bad.

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A male reader, AndrewYourz Australia +, writes (5 September 2014):

AndrewYourz agony auntThanks so much but you don't have to if you're too busy. Besides I'm just trying to learn all the angles so I can come down perpendicular. Is that over doing it? I think I need to grit my teeth and start taking control of this side of life. This article was a great help thanks!

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A male reader, Forge United States +, writes (4 September 2014):

Forge is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Forge agony auntAlright Andrew, I'll see what I can do for a friend. Maybe write desperate articles on each topic discussed on here. Take a look at the sight every once in a while, you might find my article!

I'm in a sticky situation with a girl myself. I asked her out after several people told me she liked me, and she said "I'll think on it." I'm stressed, but I'll help!

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A male reader, AndrewYourz Australia +, writes (3 September 2014):

AndrewYourz agony auntWow a great article and well said. Would you be able to write others about similar subjects as I am your age and have been single forever.

Thanks -Førge

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A male reader, Forge United States +, writes (2 September 2014):

Forge is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Forge agony auntI'm glad you think so. I'd like to hear from many others on this, be it how everything has changed since they've dated, or whatever they have to say about this.

This took time, since I've only had so much experience.

Forge

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (1 September 2014):

Abella agony auntI have just added this article to my archive of Great articles. This article on teen dating by Forge is one I will want to recommend to others.

Well done Forge

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