A
male
age
36-40,
*ivefuse
writes:Reading on other questions which are similar, people come with the religious responses. Trust me, I understand where she is coming from. The religious responses aren't going to help me. So here's the situation. I've been dating the same girl for two years (first two years of college). Freshman year she would visit me at my dorm from time to time and Sophomore year she started attending the same school. She had her own house, but spent every day and night with me at my apartment. We've slept in the same bed since we started dating. Around the time that we started dating she told me that she has a very traditional family with the whole "wait till marriage" thing. That's how she feels as well. I don't necessarily agree with this, but that's beyond the point because she's in control. Although, when we started dating she said that after a year of dating she would reconsider the whole "no sex" thing. Obviously that didn't happen. No biggie. Flash forward to this year, we live together.Occasionally we fool around, I'm okay with doing whatever to her (though she's not as adventurous). This is frustrating. Lately, I've been so frustrated with being rejected when going for sex or something exciting and instead getting a low enthusiasm handjob (even to the point where it's so mundane I ask her to stop), I've just been going to bed every night without any attempt at intimacy. This hurts because I'm desperately in love with this girl and would literally do anything for her. I want more intimacy. I want sex. But I want her in my life more. So I'm not breaking up with her any time soon over this and we're not going to jump into a marriage when neither of us are ready (Both 20, still in college). We've talked about it, she knows my position, i know hers. Questions:1. We joke that we feel like a married couple already, and I joke that our lack of sex is a good sign that it's true. Is there some way to convince her to have sex with me knowing that if the relationship continues the way it's going we'll get married?2. Is there some way to convince her to explore sexually without having sex? I've tried but I always get the "That's gross" response.
View related questions:
hand-job Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): Let me get this right - You are living with someone who does NOT believe in sex before marriage, but the ONLY difference between marriage and dating, is that the FORMER, marriage you LIVE under the same roof.
Now I realise and understand traditions completely, what I find very strange she is happy to live under the same roof, sleep in the same bed, ALLOW you to become intimate to a point, then withdraw.
If she had not wanted to embark on a relationship because of her religion, traditions, beliefs, PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE then why not JUST DATE and wait to see if the relationship flourishes, where you BOTH decide marriage and all it entails is the next step. I have the upmost respect for females who have this has a belief, but where I feel this unhealthy, is that SHE considers it is OK to be naked, become intimate to a point, then say NO.
If she feels that strongly she should NOT be under the same roof, and certainly not in the same bed, as obviously SHE is NOT considering the physical and emotional fall-out for you.
I think you really need to talk to her about this seriously, as traditions are all very well, IF KEEPING STRICTLY to the foundations those TRADITIONS were for, to DATE, to COURT each other for one, two years then propose - but she is ONLY USING Tradition to the point that SUITS HER.
I feel for you, and really hope you can resolve this, I really do!
Jilly
A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 I've posted on this type of question many times before so you might want to have a look at some of my previous answers.
You're interested in sex. You find it exciting, interesting, healthy, fun.
Your girl doesn't. She never will. If you want to have a healthy sex life you need to be with someone on your level. If you weren't interested in sex, you'd have the perfect relationship here.
For the love of god, get out of this relationship before you ruin the best years of your life with a sex free misery of a relationship. There are plenty of women out there who like sex; you need to find one. Similarly, there are lots of guys not that into sex. She needs to find one. Then you can both be happy. The religious stuff is just an excuse she's using to cover this up.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 1. There is no real way to make her have sex as am sure you know if she stands by her no sex before marriage then am guessing you just need to deal with it however hard it is. And am sure it is really frustrating especially as you are at college and sex is a huge part of your age group but am glad that you dont seem to be forcing her or anything.
2. Sit down with her and tell her you really want to be more intimate with her and vice versa. Ask her to put a bit more effort in to you as you do with her. If she isnt in to oral sex maybe suggest that you could get some flavoured condoms as these help hugely if a girl thinks it is gross hopefully this will help.
...............................
|
