A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,Im really confused about that way that a guy I like has been acting and would love to hear your thoughts and advice.Ive known him for a few years now, we live in the same area and we both work in music. Well after bumping into him a few times last summer, he asked me out on a date last September. I was thrilled and also pretty nervous about it as I hadn't been on a date in a long time.We met up for an early date at a lovely pub and sat out in the quiet beer garden as it was a sunny afternoon which was lovely.He's really easy going and ive always enjoyed talking to him, so we chatted loads and he told me that he'd recently come out of a 2 year relationship followed by a few weeks of dating someone else who had just dumped him (his words!) He made a joke about it and kept it light, and we spent the rest of the time chatting and also kissing towards the end, which was unexpected and really nice! I came away from the date really liking him and he said he'd love to take me out for dinner 2 weeks later when I got home from a holiday I was just about to go on. He texted me to say he'd enjoyed the date and I was really happy.Well my holiday came and went and I didn't hear from him again! I had texted him a couple of times while on holiday but only got a brief reply each time so decided to leave it up to him as I didn't want to seem too forward!Well a few weeks after getting home I gave up on hearing from him again and felt pretty low aout it as I had thought he liked me. I decided to email him saying hello, casually putting something like 'hey I just remembered we were going to go out for dinner!'. I know I probably shouldn't have bothered as he clearly wasn't bothered about contacting me, but I did so anyway as all I could think about was that he hadn't called and I couldn't work out why, except to think that I must've made a terrble impression on the date and not realised!Well, I got a reply the next day saying hello and he hoped Id had a good holiday, and that he was sorry he hadn't been in touch, but he had decided that he really isn't ready to date at the moment and he hoped I understood.I replied briefly saying I totally understand and to take care and keep in touch. I knew Id be bumping into him from time to time and even though I was really disappointed, I had no choice but to forget about it and move on.Well, that was all last September but then in January I saw him at a concert. It was a comcert I was in and he had come along. I was so surprised to see him but it was also really lovely to see him and we chatted for a few minutes and it wasn't awkward or anything. He said would I like to go for a coffee sometime. I was surprised and also pleased, as I was still single, so I said yes that'd be lovely.Well, he never followed up! Two or three weeks passed and so I texted one night on a whim and said 'Hey, do you still fancy having that coffee?' and he replied straight back with 'yes that'd be nice'. And then I still didn't hear anything and haven't heard from him since, until last night!He came along again to a concert of mine, I couldn't believe it! Again it was lovely to see him and again it strangely didn't feel awkward, we ended up chatting a bit after the show and I ended up offering him a lift home as it was snowing pretty badly.When we got to his house we said goodnight but instead of getting out of the car he kissed me! I just happened and we ended up sitting there kissing for ages! He then invited me in for a drink and I politely declined (I was in such shock and also I hadn't shaved my legs) and we said goodnight and I drove home in a daze.It was such a lovely kiss, I haven't kissed anyone else since last kissing him on the date, and both times there was no denying an attraction, unless he is a really good faker at kissing!Well, it's been 24 hours now and Ive not heard from him and I don't know what to think. I have been telling myself not to get my hoes up but must admit Im hoping he will get in touch and im determined not to contact him this time!Im sorry this is so long, especially as it's relatively minor compared to many of the serious questions on here, but I rarely meet guys who are single, great company and who im genuinely attracted to like I am to him and I can't help wondering what this all means and if he wants to go out with me or not and if there is anything I could or should do to find out?What do you all think?
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kissing, move on, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPS If any other Aunts have any thoughts on why he would have come along to my concert the other night and why he would have kissed me, Id be very grateful to hear them.
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou Anon, that was quite hard to hear but I guess I needed to hear it.
Im going to just forget all about the kiss other night and move on, Thankyou so much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): Well its been 7 months since you had your first and only date and he has yet to call you back... No he is not interested.
You have basically created a false illusion in your mind about where this guy stands with you based on one date that happened 7 months ago. He never calls you back. He told you straight out he wasn't ready for a relationship. You have tried to text him repeatedly and he still never calls back or owns up to his word about taking you to coffee and dinner. I think its pretty obvious that he is not interested.
So now you run into him and kiss him and you hope that this time things will be different? Well its not. You ran into each other completely randomly and he took advantage of an opportunity that he saw. That's all.
And its absolutely not your fault that he isn't interested, you did nothing wrong so quit beating yourself up about it. He probably just doesn't want anything right now. That's his problem.
But doing what you are doing is really coming across as desperate. You really should stop contacting him or setting yourself up to be taken advantage of and just let it go.
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