A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been dating a man for just over a year.(man#1)However i am not getting the commitment i desire from him. So i have started dating and found a man(#2) that i would like to get to know better. I have told man #1 about this. It has prompted him to make more plans with me, but he has not asked me to stop dating..yet. I do know that man #1 is getting over a marriage break-up of 20 years that he didn't want, now his wife wants him back after 2 years seperation and they live in different provinces. I am confussed and have been very patient, as i do love and care for man #1 very deeply.I am hoping that this info and the fact i am not so available as usual will turn him around. I don't like games, but believe in honesty. I don't see any point in directly asking man#1 why he hasn't asked me to stop dating. Any advice for me would be appreciated. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): Ok, you withheld a very important piece of information about man #1, he is going through a divorce? or is he telling you that he will divorce his wife...does he still live with her? I would think that whatever you do, no contact or talking to him and asking for a commitment, you will get nowhere with man #1. You can be curious all that you want, but this is a dead end relationship. It is not a great sign that he is dating you before ending his marriage and you are most likely a rebound relationship for him. He needs a good year and half to get over his marriage before he can have a viable relationship with any woman, and if you want to get hurt, just go ahead and play along with this game...why waste one more day of your life thinking what "could be" when it is not what you want, a commited relationship with a future in sight. You have invested and wasted a year of your life dating a married man, shame on you twice if you keep on doing it for another year.
Run as fast ask you can, spend some time without a boyfriend, so you can get your head on straight, there are plenty of fish in the sea who won't swim away when you try to catch them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate..Man#1 is not devorced yet! Yes i want more of a commitment ...like talking daily...We have plans for Easter, i am seriously thinking of telling him then, that i see no reason to continue this relationship. After reading your stuff, i think he is scared, he has stated that and says he isn't sure why. I spent half the summer alone last year, and don't plan on doing it again..Help1 My friends have said to let him go, and see what happens when their is no more Tina. I never was enough of a challenge, and i think he is also afraid of getting hurt again..now what do i do. he has agreed to go to a church play with me for Easter and i don't want to miss that with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou both for the responses to my question.
To the lady who responded,you read me correctly. I am ready for more than what man #1 is offering. I probably should end it, as it is not of my character to date more than one man at a time, and find it hard on me emotionally.
At the same time, it is hard to let him go, and am curious to what he will do in given time.They say men respond to no contact, not words??
To the gentlemen who responded, i appricate a man's point of view. I do know that man#1 cares for me. I am not using man#2 for hopeful results with man#1.No no no. I have been honest about where i stand with man#2. I have never been a player and respect peoples feelings. I am very loyal! I am just feeling at this point, my loyality is being taken for granted, as you stated. I ask you this, do men respond to no contact..over carefully chosen words?? Human nature is curious to where and what someone is doing, when there is no contact. Don't men want to be the persure's??
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): I understand your reasoning here. However, I would break up with man #1, first by stating that you understand if he can not offer a full commitment to you now, but that you are ready for marriage and want to be married to him, and that you think you deserve to be married...(you had a time limit and you have decided to remove yourself from relationship #1) with the hopes that he will turn around and give you the engagement you so desire.
It sounds to me that you are not using man #2, that you are truly intrigued and interested in him and hope that he is more on the same page as you are as far as a commited relationship goes, and I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling this way, if that is truly how you feel..
I would let man #2 know that you are not offering any guarantees at this point in your relationship, but that you are very interested in exploring your relationship and what the two of you might have together. I would not use this guy as a way of securing a commitment with man #2, but it just may have that result because you are letting him know that you are ready to move on with your life, if the two of you can't make a future together...Men do tend to fall in love in our abscence where we women already know we are in love by being with our man....
Either way, it will work out, man #2 may be the best thing that ever happened to you, or neither of them are the one, but you are that much closer to finding the man of your dreams, and you are learning what it is you like and want in a man and a relationship.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): My thoughts are you are basicaly prepared to be with another man to get a reaction from your lover who as it seems has the same disrespect and disregard for you, as you have for lover1 and lover 2. If you loved enough you wouldnt get another lover,as you wouldnt be interested.It cannot be ruled out that he may want or has thought about getting back with his ex wife.You should call this relationship more or less nothing more than a fling.Either have a no strings affair or get out,because neither of you are right or wrong in this one.As for lover 2,you are using him,he deserves the honesty that you claim to believe in.
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