A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a man 24 years older than me for about a year.He's never told me he loves me. He says I mean the world to him and that he loves being around me.He looks at me "moony eyed", sometimes he just holds me and looks at me. He is very keen on focussing on me in the bedroom before having anything for himself. He's recently been saying "I love.." and then saying something else.I have felt the urge to tell him I love him but always felt too shy. What should I do, I would be so happy if he would just tell me he loves me.
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (2 May 2018):
 I see it as him being cautious. As you should be too, mainly because of the age difference; it's a bit tricky.
24 years is a big gap. If you do love him (which you think you do) and the two of you decide to build a life together, the age gap will take its toll at some point. I'm not saying that you should leave him, I'm just saying that you must be cognizant of the fact that there is an extra layer to your relationship and you should be prepared to face a lot of things long-term. Every relationship has conventional issues and with age gap situations; there's another layer added on top of the usual stresses.
Take your time and figure out if this makes sense long-term. Don't rush to say or hear the 3 words.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2018): I think he's holding back saying so; due to the age difference. He may be assuming at some inopportune moment you might decide you want to see someone closer to your own age. You may not mind the age-difference; but being the older of the two, he will be much more aware of it. Saying he loves you, but falling short of what all that entails may stay his tongue.
As a man, the clock is ticking for being young enough to be a father who can be active with children. He is less inclined to want more children, if he already has any. Your youth always presents an assortment of opportunities; and in the next 24 years, you could change your mind a thousand different ways.
I don't know the depth of your relationship. Sometimes here on DC, "seeing someone" means they're still married or committed to someone else; maybe it's just casual, or they might be friends with benefits.
If you're both unmarried, exclusive, and refer to each other as "his girlfriend," and "your boyfriend." If this is how you two define your relationship; he's apparently withholding those words until something in his mind will allow them to come out.
He may enjoy the relationship for what it's worth; but he may not be fully-invested as a precaution.
Reality, maturity, practicality, and experience makes a person very careful of what they're doing; and what they say. We more mature-folk know the repercussions and the consequences of what we say; so we may be more cautious about saying them.
You have at least gotten two out of three words..."I love." He's leaving you an opening to seek your other options; and protecting his own feelings. This may be as far as it goes for him; while you may foresee marriage and kids in your future.
Ask him how serious the relationship is, or how he defines what you have? Get into his head. You'll only know by asking. After-all, it has been a year! If he just wants the benefits without true-commitment, don't waste your time.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 May 2018):
 When you say seeing a man, do you mean you are in a relationship with him or that it is casual? A year is a long time so I think you should sit down and talk with him and ask him does he see a future.
There is a huge age gap between you both, am guessing he is almost twice your age so you both need to talk about that and figure out if you both want a long term relationship and what your future goals are.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 May 2018):
 The true definition of I love you is that both of you are suitable for long term and that you accept each other's imperfection. Otherwise you just love how you feel as long as the endorphins/oxytocins still pumping. He could have reservations because of the age difference. You being the younger one could be more anxious to hear it, with reasons like women want emotional connection and to make sure they are sexually used. Women want to have the experience of a long term relationship so they know they are worth being loved. He, on the other hand, is experienced and knows if he's capable and is desiring of a relationship which takes effort and patience to sustain. It's also possible that he doesn't trust it would last because you are so much younger. He would feel insecure that when you are in your 40's, his penis would stop working and you would stop loving him.
Hearing the words "I love you" would make you so happy at that moment but it would mean so much more if you have reasons to stay together underneath those 3 words.
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