A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in a new relationship, following a 23+ marriage that ended resently. My husband left after our youngest turned 18. He wanted a divorce so he could drink and party like a youth, since he did not get to as a child. The divorce took two years, as I tried everything to save it but he just did not want it anymore. So I recently met a special person and we hit it off right away, everything felt new and exciting. He gave me the kind of love I longed for and had never received. He's at the end of his 2nd divorce now and has been restricted to one hour a week with his kids. He is very angry and hurt right now! I have been very supportive and loving to him. Only for him to tell me today that he feels mad when we are together because he doesn't understand why he could not have had the kind of relationship we have the first time he married. This is a compliment and a very hurtful thing to hear. I am so broken! I don't even no what to do or say now. Any suggestions? I learned from my failers in my marriage and am working to be the best I know how to be. I seek Jesus for direction on where, what and how to become the mate and person he wants me to be. I have made great progress. But this has ripped me to pieces! I am now afraid to love again! I don't want to end the relationship but I also don't want to hurt each other. Help and Prayers,Please!
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): Both your former husband and the new potential husband have a similar trait; they wish could relive their pasts differently. The ex husband dealt with it by acting out the past he felt he never had. The new boyfriend seems to remain bitter and resentful of his own past. That's a bit of red flag to me.
I'm not exactly sure why you are hurt and "broken" about his anger. It sounds as if you want to make him happy and you take his unhappiness very personally. I don't think you should.
I cringed a bit when you said you seek direction "to become the mate and person he wants me to be." His happiness is not your personal responsibility and its niave and a bit narcissistic to think your relationship with him can erase e a whole past life he lived and is processing. It's his personal journey, not yours. If you believe you love him, then you should try to love him in spite of his unhappiness. People who love each other tolerate each other's weaknesses, they don't try to change them. If you can't deal with his resentment or he takes his anger out on you, then you should definitley split.
You may waste a lot of emotional energy taking personal responsibility for his issues. Please don't martyr yourself for this man. Get off the cross, someone else needs the wood. Best of luck.
|
