A
female
age
36-40,
*emonyliz
writes:I broke up with my ex of 1 and a half years in July 2010 and though we have talked a few times since then, in general I have moved on and started dating again. The problem is that the guy that I am dating (we have been seeing each other for a few weeks nearly every day) has the same name as my ex. initially I didn't think this was a big deal. My ex has a pretty common name and I have friends by the same name etc. But as we have begun to get intimate etc. sleeping together and whatnot, I find it incredibly weird to say his name during. In general, I never really call him by his name and because of the common nature of this name, my friends and I call him by a nickname (that he is aware if but not really fond of) but eventually he picked up on the fact that i never use his name (especially during intimate situations) and he has told me that he really likes to hear his name from the woman he is with during sex etc. I have tried to use his name during more often, but i can't help but think of my ex in the context of the situation (which is a huge turn off since my ex is not someone I am fond of) I sort of want to tell this new guy that he has the same name as my ex, but my friends think this might freak him out... What should I do?
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female
reader, lemonyliz +, writes (7 February 2011):
lemonyliz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, I think that is really helpful advice :)
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (4 February 2011):
If you keep associating that name with your ex and not calling your current bf by that name, nothing will change. As time goes on, the ties to your ex and his name should fade away, and if you call your bf by his name, when you think of the name, you should eventually think of your current bf instead of the ex. But that's only if you start thinking of and calling your bf by his name instead of nicknames.
I don't really think that telling him will freak him out. I mean, you have no control over that, and there are plenty of people out there with the same names. I would suggest telling him, telling him that you don't like your ex very much, and that's why you try not to call him by the name. Then, work on calling him by the name, maybe starting with non-intimate moments. Really look at him when you're calling him that, and that might help change the association of the name with your current bf.
I had someone I really hated before, to the point that I hated hearing their name even. But then I met other people with that name, and when I hear that name, that person isn't even the first one I think of, because I made new associations. It will just take time. You were with your ex for a year, and this is a new bf. It will take time before you get used to it.
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