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male
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*iverrunsthrough
writes: I'm dating a girl that I fell in love with probably even without knowing it while we were friends. She is magical. However after we started dating she told me that her ex and her of 3 years broke up and during their 2 month break she dated a superior from a different department at work. She went on 3 dates and slept with him. He's 10 years older than her and she later found out he had the habit of going for the new ladies at the company. After having sex she said they hung at his beautiful place but instead of having a great time he was text messaging friends and what not so she left. He later tried to contact her again but she did not reply. What bothers me is this guy embodies what i HATE. He is the 33 year old player preying on younger innocent girls, corner office, and loves the notches on his belt. I just hate that he goes to work now and sees my girlfriend as one of his notches. This was a year and a half ago but it drives me batty! Any advice???
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2006): My advice is to get over it. People make big mistakes in life and this was hers. Maybe she doesn't even consider it a mistake...just another life lesson she learned from. There is not a whole lot you can do about the way he views her. But you can change the way you view her. She's not used goods and you don't own her. She's a loving caring person who's important to you and if you love her, you will eventually get past this. If you can't forget it...it will eventually fester inside you and will create problems in your relationship. As far as I’m concerned, if you truly believe she’s amazing, then that is what you should be focusing on and not her sexual history with this guy. It's not fair to her that you would begrudge her a mistake she made long before you came on the scene. Try to understand that this problem of yours likely stems from the fact that just maybe...your girlfriend’s past history with this guy may be subconciously make you feel insecure and inadequate? If so, this is your problem..you own it.
Take your focus off this guy and try remembering all the things that attracted you to your girl in the first place. Take some time and think about all her wonderful qualities. Just realize that she’s more than just her sexual past, she’s an intricate human being with incredible qualities; qualities you were drawn to before you ever learned of her sexual history. So in order to continue, you should try to just put it out of your head and understand we all make mistakes. Put the past where is belongs, in the past and move forward.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2006): Seriously, kick his ass...a lot. You'll feel a lot different about everything once you do. And, if you don't think you can kick his ass, then start traing so that in a year or two you can. You'll be amazed at just how differently you'll feel once you've channeled your energy in this way. And, as an afterthought, don't take it out on the lady by doing something stupid and ending your relationship with her. I'm sure that she's at least as sorry as you are about it all.
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