A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for a few of months, we both live with our parents so haven't had the opportunity to have sex. We both really like each other and the attraction is definitley there, it gets very hot when we kiss. I feel I am more than ready so I suggested we go away for the night one time and left the ball in his court. He seemed very keen and arranged everthing, hotel, food, drinks ect. Had a brilliant night out, I suggested we go back to the hotel kissing was getting heated in the bar. We got back, kissed, he gave me oral and we went to sleep. He didn't seem up for anything else and the next morning we just cuddled. I did try to initiate sex but kept it suttle and I didn't want to bring up the subject and seem pushy. I'm really confused as to what is going on as I thought the only barrier to us doing it was that we hadn't had the opportunity. Surely he understood where I was going with it when I suggested going somewhere for the night? I thought we were on the same page. I'm just feeling very frustrated now because I was really looking forward to finally doing it and now I don't know when it will happen? Otherwise it was a perfect night, I really enjoyed spending the night together and getting more intimate with him. What could be his reasons for holding back? I know I should ask him but don't want to pressure him and I am willing to wait. Does anyone have any other thoughts/advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015): Did you ask him about STD? Erectile dysfunction? Hygiene?
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (9 March 2015):
 He could be nervous about performing and keeping an erection so he would rather end the night with cuddling rather than the awkwardness that comes from bad sex. Sometimes nervousness can be a good thing because it means he is serious about you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015): It seems as though subtlety is not going to help you here. You are probably going to have to initiate. The next time you make out, take it further... go down on him. Don't ask, don't play shy, if he asks you to stop, he is not ready. If not... don't let him orgasm from just oral sex. Take him to the edge and then stop... change positions or guide him to go down on you, as you apparently like. Then climb on him and go to town if you want to go further. He will put a stop to things if he feels uncomfortable. And if he is, don't press the issue, but talk rationally about it later, when hormones and sexual feelings have abated.
If he is not one to take the lead, then you might have to. Or you are not as obvious as you think and he might believe you wish to wait.
Don't plan things too much though. Spontaneity is a major rush and overthinking things will always put a damper on them.
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