A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been seeing a guy for 6 months and things are getting weirder and more confusing everyday! at first he begged me to be with him and i told him i didn't think either of us were ready yet but he insisted and persisted and i finally gave in. so we had been building our foundation and falling in love but his baby mother kept trying to come between us. telling him lies about me, threatening to take their kid away and just causing problems even though they broke up a long long time ago but we were still trying to make it work regardless. then all of a sudden he tells me his ex (a completely different girl) from before me showed up with a kid saying its his. he took a test the baby's his and thats fine, it was before me so i can't say much but now he says he's confused and wants to breath. that was about a month ago and i said that was ok but that i wont wait forever and i am going to see other people since i have no idea what might happen with us at this point. he says if i find someone else it will hurt him and asked me not to sleep with anyone and he still treats me like his gf, calls me daily, wants to spend time with me when he can, says "you know i love you" and basically prevents me from seeing anyone else saying he just needs time but we'll get back together again soon. i don't like asking too many questions or pestering him with why's and when's but id like to know if waiting for him and continuing to see and talk to him like we're together is a good idea or not. should i wait it out or move on???
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you eloora! your answer was exactly what i needed to hear right now. since the post i've decided i'm too good a person to keep doing this to myself. just like you i allowed myself to be strung along by another man a few years back and even though i believe when you love someone having patience shows them how much you care i think that there is a man out there who will find me, love me and wont ever let me go regardless of his other situations or obligations. we all deserve to find that special person and this confused soul is just getting in my way now ;)
A
female
reader, eloora  +, writes (8 February 2011):
I get why he might be a bit of a confused mess right now, but that doesn't give him the right to string you along forever. If it were me I would tell him that he has a week until I would put my foot down and tell him to either step up and be in a proper relationship, or not. Although it sounds like you are practically boyfriend and girlfriend anyway so perhaps it wasn't just personal breathing space he needed? If he did need breathing space why is he still wanting you around/contacting you every day? Is there something going on the times you're not around which he doesn't want you to know about?
About a year ago I came out of a "relationship" kinda like that which basically consisted of me being stringed along and denied proper girlfriend status while he could appear single to all of the other women he met and as we weren't in a proper relationship I didn't really feel like I had a right to demand he was loyal to me. Your situation isn't exactly the same but because of this, my answer to you may sound a bit cynical. The main thing is if he can't commit to you properly (and soon) I think that you should consider finding someone who can't live without you - because he's out there and you deserve it.
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