| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My Dad is having an affair with another woman. I first read some texts on his mobile fone in September and i still find those sorts of texts on his phone now. I hate the way that he is with me and my family every day as if nothing is happening but when I read txts from this woman I feel physically sick. After all, wouldn't "I LOVE YOU MILLIONZ XXX" and "MAKING LOVE AND SNUGGLING UP TO YOU EARLIER WAS FANTASTIC XXX" make any1 feel sick? I just can't believe he would do that to us.What should I do?Please help...xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2006): Confront your father with your findings,he got himself in the mess,let him deal with the consquences of it.Tell him he needs to tell your mother and do as he see is fit to make sure his family is allright.Or you will go to your mother with what you know.
You are a child and need to remain as far from such a thing as possible, and going to your mother first would send her on a denial of things and just maybe have her angry with you.
I would give my father the chance to sort it best he can with my mother afterall they are both ur parents and u love them both dearly.
A
male
reader, TommyWoods +, writes (18 December 2006):
 It's a tough one because if you spill the beans you could end up between two in-denial parents who don't appreciate your findings. Unfortunately you are left to carry this burden and potential time bomb with you. Advice on this one is very awkward and i have no solution that i can give you. You must Do what you feel is wright and be wise and workout which parent is best to tell of your findings, but don't accuse him of cheating thats for your mother to decide, if you must spill the beans then only tell of your findings and let either one of your parents take it from there. All the best!
TommyWoods
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (18 December 2006):
 When I was your age I found out my Father was having an emotional affair with another woman. I was lucky, as they hadn't had anything physical going on, but it was still so painful to be reading e-mails back and forth... "I love you"'s, and "I miss you"'s... it hurt. I know how you feel.
What you need to do is tell you mother. And DON'T tell your siblings. Because if your Mother & Father can work this out, then you don't want all the resentment from your siblings going towards your Dad. He's got enough damage control to do.
Bring your Mom home some flowers. Get your Father's cell phone and tell her what's going on. You want the cell phone there so that you can show her - she'll probably be a little shocked... and then I'd just leave her alone for awhile. She's going to need time to herself. You need to be there for your Mom right now, you need to be supportive.
Even though it is so easy to hate your Dad right now, try to remember that people make mistakes and maybe this is one. If he's willing to try and fix things between him and your mother, try to be willing to forgive him. It'll take time (I know it did for me), but try to be open to that.
He might be going through a mid-life crisis. Or maybe he's just making a major, major mistake. But try to support your Mother through all of this. Don't make it harder on her by creating a lot of anger between you and your Father. Try to focus your feelings on your Mother and making life easier for her. Do you have younger siblings? Try to take care of them more often, so that she has time to work through her own emotions. Make dinner.
I know this is so, so hard on you. It's horrible to have such a secret. Just remember how hard this is going to be for your Mother. You might have to be the grownup in the house for awhile.
Good luck, sweetie.
If it get's really tough on you, see a therapist. One really helped me... it just gave me a place to vent my feelings and frustrations.
My heart goes out to you.
Love, India
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