A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My dad and i have a far strung relationship but i dont turn to him alot anymore ever since i started 'Developing' he thinks that im up to no good no matter what. I have guy friends and we hang out like we're all guys we even play football together. My dad is always freaking out when ever he sees me around them and he goes off on me but i show him proof that i dont do anything even my friends tell him that but it doesnt seem to get to him and he doesnt trust me at all... Now he's thinking about giving me up.. After 13 years he wants to give up his child thats lost everything but her father and it breaks my heart to think that he doesnt love me anymore.. What could i do to keep my father and my life?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): It's not that he doesn't care babes, but he's not really seeing you, he's not seeing the person you are, all he can see is your mother. Your mother left, so she's a "bad woman" he thinks, and now that you are becoming a woman, you will turn out "bad" too, because your her daughter. He is living with his own pain, grief and anger, and he's taking it out on you. He's not doing this on purpose, he's just so full of anger that he isn't able to think straight. I feel so sorry for him, he's pushing the most precious person away, that person is you, and he's going to end up bitter, sad and lonely.You can't deal with this alone. Your father is a grown man who has a lot of big issues to deal with. You are not your mother, you are you, and you have done nothing to be ashamed of.Can you talk to a teacher at school, or a school counsellor. Tell them exactly what you told us, and tell them how scared, frightened and hurt you are. Ask them to call your father in, and then they can explain it all to him. He will have to justify why he's treating you like this, and they can probably help to get you some help to get you and your father working together again.I'm so sorry your going through this, it really is not fair. But you can't deal with this alone, you really must get help from an adult. Your father has to learn to deal with your mother going in a better way, it's not fair for him to take out his pain on you and destroy you this way.Please go and talk to a teacher, doctor, nurse or any adult that you can trust. You need an adults help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont have much other family they in other states and what not and the family that does live near by theres a problem with every one and i think he just doesnt want a kid anymore because i've sat down and talk to him it broke me down to tears he thinks that im no good and that what he thinks is right and my mother isn't dead from what i know but she went missing after a break-in in 2007 i haven't seen her since which makes it even harder he knows tiat he's all I've got I even told him that he just doesn't care and it hurts me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): My heart break for you. I experienced the identical relationship problems with my father at "budding" adolescence.
I suggest that you plead with your father to get into family counsling wiht you. Have a pofessional mediate the siutation.
If he refuses that, ask him exactly what you can do to stay with him and keep his love? Does he want you to dress differently, for instance. Try to negotiate on SPECIFICS.
Do you have aunts and uncles that you could stay with for a while? Sometimes situations like this are best given cooling off period. Also extended family may be able to help mediate between you and your dad and reason with him on your behalf...and, finally extended family should always be a resource before stranger adoption or foster care.
Your father is likely just using the threat of adoption to scare you. But, if he says it again - tell him that if he is concerned about protecting your virginity - foster care is rampant with sexual abuse! And a child of your age will not be adopted but will stay in foster care and bounce from home to home. Ask him if that what h really wants for you or if you can work this out.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (1 March 2009):
 Jessica04 gave really good advice. I think you need to talk to your father. Communication is key.. You need to reassure him that you are still his little angel and that you will do things to stay out of trouble. He is just worried about you and wants the best for you. He does not want to see you end up in a bad situation like getting pregnant. I think he loves you but it's driving him nuts because he might not be getting any help. But definitely, sit down with your dad and talk. Heck I would set some time each week for you and him to just talk.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (1 March 2009):
 Your dad sounds like he is overwhelmed with the task of raising a daughter. Your mom isn't in the picture anymore? Do you mind if I ask if she passed? That could also be what is hard for him, feeling like he can never do as good of a job raising you on his own.
You need to sit down and have a log heart-to-heart with him about what you need from him and what he needs from you. Do you have other family?
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