A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This one is going to be a bit long and thanks for reading and offering any suggestions/advice.I am divorced for three years and after having been in a sexless marriage for too long, I was excited about the opportunities that awaited as a single man. I had no intentions of getting into a serious relationship for quite a while. My first "date" ( I was on Match.com) turned out to be a great person who loved sex and was very helpful in allowing me to focus on the "spiritual" side of my newfound freedom. We were together for 4 months exclusively and I got a bit clingy and she thought we should just remain friends. That was fine and to this day, she is still a great friend and we have no romantic interests whatsoever. A month after we made the decision, I met who I thought was the greatest love of my life. We hit it off right away, had sex the first night we were together, and got into a serious relationship which lasted for almost two years. The background of this two year relationship is where I need the help. In the beginning, she was still involved with an ex boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. I found out that they had sex three weeks after we began dating ( although we had never said we were exclusive at that point, so I'm not upset about that). One month after meeting, we said we would be exclusive. What concerned me was that they were always talking, texting, and we would see him in various social settings. It really bothered me at how she was emotionally attached and I let her know how it hurt me. She brushed it off saying they were just friends. Their kids were still friends, etc. Meanwhile, the first girl I had been with was still friends with me and I still talked with her. I told her that I thought I had found my soulmate and it was she who said it would be best that we didn't talk because she understood how disruptive it can be when getting into a new relationship.Nine months into my relationship, I moved in with her and her kids. I also have children so I also subjected them to this living arrangement because we ( she and I) thought we would be together forever. It was working out for all for a while, but her ex boyfriend was sort of still in the picture, although not as much as in the beginning. What happened after about six months of living together is where it got crazy. I would get jealous of her behavior with the ex even though she said it was all in my head. We would have ridiculous arguments. She was a very defensive person and would not want to talk about anything that didn't make her feel good. I am the type who wants to talk things through and she felt I was "coming at her" with my style of communicating. She would say things to me to make me hurt even more like " how big his co** was" or how he always made her feel special, etc. Very counterproductive and hurtful. This was her pattern during heated arguments. We must have broken up 15 times during this relationship but would always go back to each other. She did say always that I was her soulmate and that she never wanted to be without me. She would build me up again. Well, last April, there was a huge fight about something and she told me to get out of her house, that we were over. I found a place of my own and during the month before I was to move in, she changed her ways and was trying to do everything in her power to win me back. We had lots of sex and all, but I was moving out. When I figured we were over, I then reached out to the first woman I had been friends with. We hadn't talked for almost 15 months and it was like nothing had changed. We have no romantic feelings, just a bond of friendship. The girlfriend also reached out to her ex boyfriend ( although I know they still talked as "friends during our entire relationship).I moved into my new pad and I got back on Match.com. So did my girlfriend ( or ex gf at this point). I met a few nice people, but I was still thinking about her. We had ex sex several times over the last two months and even though she had made some new connections and I had made new connections, about two weeks ago, we decided to try and give it one more try. She cut off ties with her "new" connections as did I, except for the friendship I have with the first girlfriend. I let her know that we had reconnected and that we were just friends. Well, last night she asked if I had talked to the first lately and I told her that we talked briefly earlier in the day about a new business venture I am taking on and just surface talk, nothing meaningful This set her off and she said that it hurts her too much to think that since we are trying to make things work, I have to have a connection like her. I compared it to the beginning of our relationship when she was still connecting with her ex, but I continued to try to make the relationship work ( even though he was always a threat during our entire relationship). Well, here we are, again broken up. I am tired of it and I need to get some advice: Do I again try to make it work or do I move on? We still say we love each other and we still have a passion when we are together ( serious physical attraction). I'm just not sure I can do it any more. It's so high school and full of drama. I'm 44, she's 41. Too much drama.Thanks for reading this post and offering any advice.
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divorce, ex girlfriend, her ex, jealous, move on, moved in, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 I am in the same situation. When sex is too good, there will be problems staying broken up.
Tell her as long as she keeps contact with her ex, you can't totally open up to her. Ask her what her intentions are, what is she getting out of. Is it the security that if you guys break up she still has her ex, or is it just attention and an ego boost?
People say if the relationship is bad but the sex is good, it will survive. But not so if the reverse is true.
One thing for sure is that she will never leave you. Actually the ex serves the purpose of keeping the relationship passionate. Jealousy fuels passion. With certainty, passion fades quicker. Your call. How many women enjoy sex as much as she does?
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