A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a friends with benefits situation with a guy i dated for two months, so here's my delimma:It was my idea to do the FwB thing after I told him he was treating me terribly and he seemed to lose interest in pursuing me as a gf..so now we have FwB relations and we enjoy ourselves and have fun, but it has been one sided since the beginning, as in I am the one always initiating sex. He always had some trouble staying erect when we dating from the very first time we had sex, but i have been always patient and supportive. But what is going that he won't initiate meeting up for sex, but when i suggest it he is gung ho? is he lazy? is he being nice? is he trying to be a gentleman? I'm just curious because i think it's strange, wouldn't he be initiating more? this is no strings sex we're talkin 'bout here!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (10 March 2009):
Think of it like chocolate.
If someone offers you a nice chunk of it on a plate - you'd take it and eat it and enjoy it.
But you might not go to a shop and buy a bar and pay for it and unwrap it and put it on a plate in front of you, just to get the same experience.
If you want him for sex then call him and use him. If you want more or want to feel wanted then go elsewhere. This guy is obviously not in to you in the way you want him to be so stop wasting your time.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): I'm sure you are wonderful and attractive but that doesn't mean every guy is going to be turned on by you and this one would be a good example. It's almost like he has to convince himself to have sex with you and still has trouble getting it up which is a horrible sign as far a any kind of sexual compatability. The emotional connection really isn't there for him either so you are in a losing situation. He's not initiating it more because he doesn't think about it, fantasize about, long for it or even anticipate it in his mind. If it's thrown his way and he's in the mood, he'll take it. Why you subject yourself to this is probably because it's too awful to admit to yourself or maybe you really enjoy him but you'll have to accept it's just not mutual if you continue. It's like Sarah Jessica Parker, some guys think she's the hottest thing in the world and other guys might not kick her out of bed if she was aggressive enough, but otherwise would never go there. Ben Affleck grosses me out for some reason but I know many women would fall all over themselves for the opportunity. Your guy can't help it, he's just not feeling it. It's either there or it isn't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Maybe he feels guilty having no strings sex. Contrary to popular belief not all men are just about sex. You did have a relationship with this man at one time, so I am guessing that he had feelings for you. Are you sure that you dont have any harbored feelings for him? And maybe trying to hold on to him through sex? Stop initiating it for awhile and see what happens. I have never been able to have a FwB relationship because in my experiences someone always gets hurt. If I were you I would make sure it wasnt me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah, you're probably right, but i haven't had a real relationship in a long time, i have zero prospects and few chances of meeting someone anyway, so this is all i've got! it it desperate, i'm sure. god, i am a pathetic loser..
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (10 March 2009):
 He treated you terribly, gave up on pursuing a relationship with you - you then offered him your cookie with no strings attached. Now he won't even pursue the free cookie. I don't want to be mean so pliz don't take it the way. You can't be that desperate. Don't try and rationalize any of it, just walk away coz you're DISRESPECTING yourself. He can't be that good coz you say he had problems staying hard. I don't know you but from one woman to another, pliz don't make a fool out of yourself. He doesn't want you, he's not chasing your cookie either. So just walk away from it. Rejection is hard, and we sometimes hold on to those who reject us coz of our egos but if you walk away now, you will definitely thank yourself later.Good luck.
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