A
female
age
26-29,
*ambina
writes:Ok, i'm not gonna sugercoat this. I think my tutor is a pervert and his actions are starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I am by nature a flirty person, but it's not always in a sexual way, just giving people an ego boost if they look like they could use one. I never said anything to this man that suggested I was interested in him, but he's started to give me special treatment (forgiving late homeworks, turning a blind eye if i don't work in class, etc.) In the beginning I enjoyed it because I could do whatever I want, but i realise now that taking advantage of it has just sent him the totally wrong message. At the weekend he turned up to my dance show, where I was doing a salsa dance in a kinda revealing outfit (hey, it's salsa!) and after i came offstage, he congratulated me and put his arm around my waist, which made me kinda uncomfortable. At school on monday, he told me i looked hot and that my dance partner's a lucky guy. I really don't know what to do, he might just be one of those slightly creepy guys that you just have to deal with, but it feels totally wrong to me. Basically, am I overreacting? Like is it my own fault for sending him the wrong messages?
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female
reader, Bambina +, writes (12 May 2010):
Bambina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the advice, guys! Just thought I'd give you a quick update. I spoke to my senior tutor about him, and my ST had a word with the dodgy teacher for me. So after class, he asked me to stay behind and I knew what it would be about, so I asked a friend to wait outside the window and look in to make sure nothing bad happened. He asked me why I told the ST about him turning up to the dance show and i told him that I found it creepy and that in my opinion was kinda crossing the line. I also asked him to stop giving me special treatment with homeworks etc. and he agreed to no longer favour me over the other kids. Next day in class, he totally switched on me and found every excuse to get mad at me. Well, obviously i went straight to my ST and explained the situation. Now, finally, I get treated equally with the other students and he hasn't said a word about the whole thing. He still creeps me out but he knows he's being watched so I know he won't try anything. Thanks so much for the advice, you guys gave me the strength to stand up to him! All my love - Bambi xx
A
female
reader, HeskimaCerita  +, writes (10 May 2010):
It's not that easy, some teachers can use the power imbalance in a student/teacher relationship to their advantage which makes it hard to be assertive. I say get as far away from this man as possible, he sounds like trouble and if he's recently gone through a divorce, he's probably looking for someone to make him feel better. Trust me, you don't want to be that person.good luck Bambina! x
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 I think this issue has a very easy solution.
Simply undo what has been done, stop taking advantage of his privaleges and absolutely no flurting with him, try not to around him either.
When you talk to him use a serous tone and he will get the message eventually.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): He needs watching because he shouldnt be putting his arm around you and telling you that you look hot. He shouldnt be letting you behave differently in class either. Thats not good dr your education and your class work will suffer. Hes wrong on all counts. Get your class work back up to speed. If he tries to touch you again step back and say "dont do that" in a loud voice. If he calls you things like hot again, tell him he is stepping over the line. If you are forthright and make it very clear you know what hes doing and you wont be a party to it, he will stop quick smart. He is being creepy and you are not over reacting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): To be honest, I think that he's just being slightly creepy, I had a teacher like that, and I got exactly the same priveliges, but he never caem on to me or tried to kiss me, so don't worry about it x
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A
female
reader, Bambina +, writes (9 May 2010):
Bambina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the help, guys! I will talk to someone on Monday, I don't want to leave my tutor group because I have so many friends there and they don't mix us up much in lessons. What I might do is just let the senior tutor know (i get on well with him, but in the normal student/teacher way!) and he'll probably have a word. Oh yeah and just to clarify i'm 15 and my tutor's in his 50's. And someone mentioned him being attractive? He's not attractive at all, he always has food in his beard! He also recently went through a divorce so I think that could be connected somehow... Thanks, B xx
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 it's definitely NOT your fault, he's the adult, he was the one that decided to favor you and give you those breaks, which he knew you would like, and was hoping he could get you to like him in different ways too. it's best you tell a counselor or other teacher what's going on because his attraction could end up seriously endangering you.
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A
female
reader, xAngeliquex  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 Hi, listen it's not your fault. If it was your fault then you wouldn't have written this in the first place, as you would somehow enjoy it, but it doesn't seem like you do, and I don't blame you! Okay, basically, I have had my own teacher experiences, when I was in school and college. Granted, I was 16 or 17. The same sort of thing happened in my situation [EXCEPT replace the salsa with a drama performance!]Attractive teachers will have many students throwing themselves at them, it's inevitable. But they are adults, they know the Position Of Trust, it's literally forbidden. Even if you were flirting, it shouldn't even occur to him to even return it.I try to put myself in the teacher's shoes and imagne myself wanting to flirt with a student. I could only do so if I had some filthy fetishes or questionable mental health.I'm glad it feels wrong to you, because some girls would completely go for it. If you're a natural flirt, my advice is to consciously stop yourself, and make yourself aware of everything you're doing in his company, as men like that will take even the slightest friendly grin and interpret it however they want to. It's scary, it's creepy, but there are men like that in the world today. I was suprised by the teachers I encountered, they seemed so respectable on the outside, yet they're just perves on the inside. But just keep it in your head that it's wrong, don't feel you have to let him put his arm around you etc, maintain your distance, and just remain aware of your actions around him so that way he might grab a hint. He's no doubt, a pervy teacher. If push comes to shove, just ignore him. Don't feel bad about it, he knows what he's doing. The reason he's doing it is because he thinks he's the teacher, you're the student, he has more intelligence and a student is naive. He's wrong because you're on to him:)All The Best!Angelique
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): You need to trust what your gut is telling you. If your getting a weird vibe from this guy you should talk to your parents. Depending on wether or not your comfortable telling them your creeped out by him, you could just say you feel like you would benefit from a different tutor, maybe a female. The fact that he showed up to your dance recital without an invite and then put his arm around your waist is a sure indication that he is crossing the line. Even if you were sending him mixed messages (hypothetically) he is an adult and you are at the most 15 years old. So he should know in his mind that it is not okay to have a casual relationship with you. He is a teacher and you are a student. Seriously listen to your instincts and don't underestimate that this man may have an aggressive and scarier side to him. Stay strong and don't feel embarrassed because there are a lot of men who take advantage of a teacher student situation like the one you are in. And don't hesitate to talk to someone like a school counsellor. Good luck sister!
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