A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have a question regarding visitation. I have full legal and sole custody of my daughter due to the fact that he never showed up for the court dates. Child support is set up, but he has not paid a dime and he owes about 1,000 dollars. He is set up only to pay 70.00 a month because he does not work. He lives at his mothers house and he sleeps in the living room. He keeps threatening that he is going to get custody of our daughter. He applied for housing and a few jobs. I know he cant get custody Im not too worried about that, but Im very worried about unsupervised visits and overnights. My daughter just turned two and he has had nothing to do with her. He saw her on her birthday for a half hour thats it. Other then that he never sees her. He came by once and took a pic of her through my window! Then he showed up at her daycare and took pictures of her in my car. Everytime he comes around its not to see her its to see me and I hate it! He wrote me three long love letters one that has pictures of us and it said "here's some pictures I stare at all the time" CREEPY! he stalks me so much. But then he lies and says hes there to see "his daughter." Im seeing a counselor and I went to a domestic violence counselor also because of him. He has tried to do sexual things in front of our daughter also. He just says "shes too young she doesnt know!" He has treated our daughter terribly the few times he has seen her and has put he in life dangerous situations and always makes her cry. But that I have no proof of other then my counselors and my daughters reactions to him. He was arreseted two and a half years ago for assault and battery on his mother. Both her and I had a restraining order on him. He put himself in a Respite urgent mental care facility three times and is on Meds that are for scitzophrenia but no one really knows what he has. He is absolutly psycho and totally two different people! Im hoping he will get like one saturday a week supervised do you think that is possible? Some paperwork my lawyer has, but Im worried he may have thrown it away? This kid doesnt have a liscence or a GED either hes a complete bum. Im in college and doing really good raising and protecting my daughter. As of now he calls me about seven times a day but I never answer nor do I need to cuz I have full custody and he has no rights. I dont want to talk to him because he just uses our daughter as an excuse to get to me and telling me how much he loves me and all that stuff I don't want to hear. Im also scared because he wants our daughter to not even recognize shes white he wants her to be total ghetto like him which I dont want for her and it makes him angry that I dress her like a "white child" and this is a argument he always talks about. He tells people she is "his sperm." Im scared the judge wont see his real self and I wont go for anything other then supervised visits. If my lawyer kept some of the paperwork I have some proof but not much. Where I live it doesn't matter if your paying child support of not, you can still see your child.
View related questions:
sperm, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 October 2009):
You could hide it in your socks. Keep wearing shoes and have a microphone leading up to your shirt. Sounds elaborate, I know. Maybe ask your counsellor if they can help?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your insight on my situation. I hope all goes well so far he has not gone through with court proceedings yet. Yesterday he came to the house at the front and I snuck out the back and left. I will deffinitly get everything together and keep all my evidence. I have some things but ill keep the rest.. maybe i can go to the phone company and have them print out his text messages too. I dont know if that is possible. To CaringGuy... my domestic violence counselor recommended the recorder too and I think its a good idea, but I don't know where to hide it without him touching me and finding it. I would deffinitly give up any amount of child support for him to stay out of my life. Thank you all again for your thoughts :).
...............................
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (23 September 2009):
 Document everything and call the police whenever necessary (they keep records, too). You've been given good advice here from others, so I don't want to be redundant.
However, as he has no rights and is not pursuing obtaining visitation, don't grant any or pursue it yourself in the courts. ONLY if your court order currently states he has a right to access to her, should you deal with the courts and only to have that removed.
Surely his assault charges and stays in a mental hospital (or whatever) is in the system. That should help.
In Canada (Ontario), we also have the ability to request that aspects of the court order be police enforceable. If this is possible for you as well, and you end up having to be in court to deal with his access or visitation rights, anything that is agreed to should be police enforceable.
If I were you, and I could manage to do it, I would move and change my phone number.
Not getting $70 a month is a small price to pay to ensure your daughter is safe, both physically and emotionally.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (23 September 2009):
 Hi,
Firstly from what you have written about your ex he sounds very unstable and dangerous. It is truly unsafe to leave him alone with your daughter because you can never know which jeckll or hyde character will present itself through him.
Your correct in assuming only supervised visits as this is a very wise and cautious decision you have made as a parent.
When you do eventually go to court you need to show that your daughter is not safe around him unsupervised. The fact that you and his mother had restraining orders against him and that he has a past history of violence is halfway there. Also show proof of your councelling sessions and tell them your daughter is upset and tearful of his behavior.
If i was you I would keep evidence of his strange behavior through anything he gives you. Keep a diary of when he turns up at the house sneaking about taking pictures, gather as much evidence as possible.
You dont have to be scared of the judge.
Remember the court will only maintain the best welfare of the child so you need to highlight to them the high level of conflicts which is going on here and I am pretty sure they will all be for supervised visits.
Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 September 2009):
I'm so sorry that you are in this mess.
First of all, he is stalking you, so drag the police into this as quickly as possible. Keep a diary of everything he does to you and this may sound warped or weird, but you might want to consider secretly taping conversations with him. (A dictaphone or something). I seriously doubt that this guy will get ANY visitation rights at all given his history of mental illness. Keep working and going to college, you're doing brilliantly. Your lawyer shouldn't have thrown the paperworj away, but it might be worth talking to him to make sure he's kept everything and to see if he has any suggestions about how he could get the law to help you. If you fear for your safety at any moment, call the police. Lots of luck. xx
...............................
|
